Kindness doesn't make you happy!!! Does it???

Hello beautiful people, welcome back here, I hope you are all good and keeping the grind on whatever you do in life I hope you doing it the best possible way. I am great, just feeling hungry like every other morning these days but your girl is good, and like every other day felling extra, cause I’m generally extra, don't worry you will soon find out.

Following the most recent post, I mentioned I have some things I do that might be weird to someone else but I still do anyway because it makes me so happy. Some of the things I do are generally a product of my upbringing. For those who do not know I was born and bred in Zimbabwe, with a mother so strict and as African as they can come. And for those who know it generally means “good behavior drills everyday” in the best possible way.

no-matter how complicated,just look the other way and be kind 

 I grew up being one of those kids who understood the “eye language”, which was always between my mother and I. I knew which  look meant, “you are now growing a tail (you are now growing too big for your shoes), the one that said “shut up!”, and my lifetime favorite, the one that said “as soon as these visitors are gone, you are going to know who is boss here”, and I bet every African knows this one. And for all the lessons my mama taught me, I am grateful I turned out great and strong, above all kind and well mannered, mama I owe you with my life (bless her soul, my favorite drill sergeant well at least she is now, lol)…

The reason why I just shared this is because, I learnt a lot from my mother’s teachings it has molded me into the woman I have become and as I have realized the world is getting more and more vicious and rough we need more good hearts than ever before. Of all the lessons I had, one of the greatest is “kindness is a necessity for you to give life”. Kindness is a necessity, because as the human race is continuously advancing, thanks to technology, “morals” are accidentally compromised and kindness is suffering even more becoming like one of the rarest commodities around.  The world is slowly developing into a toxic globe because we just do not care about the next person anymore. My mother taught me that kindness is part of love, in fact it is born out of love itself and everybody deserves and needs it, in turn everybody is capable of giving kindness, it’s your choice.

I personally practice sharing kindness in a number of ways which I am sharing here and you can also borrow from and share yours as well so I can also borrow from yours. It is important as a human being to give love so you can also receive it, we are a community and no one among us can survive without the other. Let us all go back to the basics and remember what love and oneness felt like before we were swallowed by the advancement around us.

Be kind anyway!!!

7 WAYS TO SHOW KINDNESS:

·        As much as we are all busy with our professions, family, school, business and everything around us , take time to text just one person and hear if they are fine, you never know what it might feel like to them to be checked upon and feel there is someone who cares. Sometimes the world is a lonely place even if it has 7.7 billion people in it, be that one person that is there for them, you might save a life.

·        As you are walking down the street and just minding your business, help that old lady with her bags, if she allows you obviously, be nice and offer your help you never know what blessing her “thanks” will reward you with, how would you feel if somebody helped your sick grandmother when she couldn’t get any help from someone she knows around?

·        Let us learn to lend a hand and not expect any rewards whatsoever, trust me the feeling is so fulfilling, you feel so relevant and useful it makes you happy.  I always do this whenever I can, and it gives me so much happiness. For instance I have helped pay bus-fare a number of times for other people in a public commuter bus when they couldn’t do it themselves. Sometimes after losing their wallets, or they didn’t have cash and I just didn’t want them to be embarrassed, and never let them pay me back. When we arrive wherever we will be going, we just part ways. I am talking about total strangers here, and it feels so good. Guess what happened this one time, I forgot my wallet at work and didn’t even notice it until it was time to pay my bus-fare, for a minute when I found out that I didn’t have any money on me, I just sat there feeling like it was the end of the world and before i knew it the lady that was right beside me just opened her wallet and paid for the both of us. 

I was shocked because I hadn’t asked her to, and all she said was, “ I saw you looking surprised when you opened your bag and I just knew either you lost your wallet or forgot your bus-fare, so I thought let me just pay for you, don’t worry nobody has to know, and you don’t have to repay me” ,and that was it, just like that. I knew then that a little kindness goes a long way, the good you do for others comes back to you, and unfortunately enough this applies with the bad you do as well…IT COMES BACK TO YOU!!!

this has nothing to do do with being kind, but just smile anyway..

·        When someone offends you especially in public, take a deep breathe, in…out, in …out, contain yourself and tell them I forgive you, imagine you returning rude with rude , lack of kindness with another, if the world was like that I guess all that was left of it by now was ruins. Be kind even to the undeserving, and mind your own business, and move on. One thing to note though, being kind doesn’t mean being everyone’s doormat. You can be kind and still say “no”, you can be kind and still stand up for yourself. This also applies to confronting someone; you can still confront someone and not embarrass them in front of other people. Just put yourself in the other person’s shoe and imagine if you could handle someone being rude to you for no apparent reason, whenever the urge knocks on your door.

·        Apologize whenever “necessary”, even if you know you are not on the wrong side, you are being the bigger person. I know there is an animal called “ego”, and it really gets in the way. This animal roars fire but I mean, just try and see how it feels, defeat it every  time, it becomes a habit and you are always happy for moving on.

·        One other weird way I show kindness is to say “thank you” every darn time, when someone gives me something, or even if I give them something of mine and they return it back. Trust me some other people do not even return back anything you give them even if it’s small or big, expensive or not, they just don’t. So being kind enough to say thank you, motivates the next person to keep returning whatever they could borrow from you next time. It is weird I know, but it works and makes the world a better place.

·        Above all show a little kindness to yourself, you might not be where you want to be in life, or feel like you could have done things differently and better, and feel like a failure in life, the only failure in life is not to use the lessons you have learnt from when you could not do your best, it is what shaped you to be a better person today. BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!

NOTE: Always know that the world is a coin it has two sides to it, right and wrong, choose which one you want and also remember that the way you see the world is not the same as someone else sees it, just because you find good in everything, or try to create and cultivate good, there is someone who thinks otherwise, be kind anyway. Kindness doesn’t make you happy if it’s all you do, it makes you slightly happier together with other qualities of development in your life. It doesn’t stand alone, If you think it did, you will be disappointed. It’s a complementary attribute…

#showkindness  

#vision2019

#sellove

The Imperfect Wo/Man !!!

Today is just one of those few days I feel so lazy, so unfocused, so bleeeh, you know those days, I get them too. C’mon I might be strong ( or is it just being loud and feeling myself, or a front, you don’t want to know, lol) but I am human, I know you understand because I mean who is perfect, who has it all? Who is always okay? Who is always the smartest (we all wish, I know)… It is okay not to be okay, it is what makes us human.

I forgot to say hello, how are you doing beautiful humans, hope you are all great. Because I am good just not pumped up today, just hoping the night gets here fast so I can go to sleep, it is all I want to do today, and that is as honest as I can get. Anyway I got something I was just thinking about as I was sited and feeling lazy, of course my body is lazy today, but my mind is forever performing drama and arts, a little bit of somersaults and bungee jumping I guess that is why I’m very tired today .

I was looking back into my life and was like,” what really defines me as a person and I thought of many things, deep, if I might say. But as I was diving deep, I also realized that there are silly things I do and they don’t hurt anyone really but they are just weird I guess, but it is because I am done pursuing being perfect because it is unrealistic, perfect doesn’t exist, there is just excellence( I mentioned it in a recent post). So hey I am not perfect, I fail, I cheat, I lie, I wake-up with bad breath in the morning, I look funny and dress like a homeless person when I am at home #sighs, simply put I am not perfect, but I also know what I want from life and when excellence is required from me, I give my best shot, I dress well, I eat well, I talk well, I read a lot to learn from better and more experienced people than I am, I learn from mistakes, I try to do things whole heartedly, and I learnt this through my life journey especially when I was still chasing perfectionism which I figured out stresses me a whole lot than it fulfils me.

So I am saying it is ok to let loose and be yourself, live life as it comes. Let me share this with you, you can never be perfect, hell no, you can never be perfect and still live life to the fullest. I don’t want to lie and say it is easy not to care, not to pursue perfection and the standards set out by all the external factors in the world, it is a process therefore it is learnt over time , One thing though always mind the double standards the world has, it can mislead you (a topic for another day).

I am a person that is seeking growth constantly and on this journey I have realized that I slip up a whole lot and it is okay. It is okay to be different, to live for me and enjoy life as it is. Someone out here might be having many flaws or faults, could it be physically or mentally and feel so uncomfortable around people or just care too much but let me just tell you one thing, those people do not even care, we live with people but do not live for people, hear me right; there is a difference there, it’s all talk it doesn’t last, people have many problems to think about enough to care about your little imperfections.

And also something interesting I realized it is okay to live in your own moment and have your me-time even when you are around other people. I don’t mean that you have to be anti-social or dysfunctional, no I simply mean that as human as you are you, need to embrace you and do things not thinking what the next person things about you, nobody expects 1000% from you all the darn time( it’s too much), so relax and live a little, because we are made to be imperfect. I keep stressing on this because the constant competition I see around is toxic and makes us miss a whole lot in life especially about ourselves, it won’t be surprising if asked a question about yourself you won’t be able to answer it properly, you will just blab and say meaningless things, just because you constantly seeking to be perfect which you definitely aren’t made to be.

BONUS TIPS: -   It is okay to put on headphones when you are in a taxi or public transport and act as if you are listening to something, when you are not.  Just to dwell in your thoughts more and have no one talk to you, especially that talkative person who is shallow but just wants to show off whatever they think is precious they have( you know exactly what I mean). Exclude the humble people who are simply trying to make conversations to make the journey short, yes you can tell who is who by just listening for the first two minutes of your drive.

-it is okay not to wear make-up and wear ugly loose fitting clothes when you are at home and just feel good about it, I mean home is the only place you can look ugly in peace ( and not care for once how big forehead or nose is, it is your God-given features embrace them, I have the ugliest feet and I get to wear slopes when I am home and it’s so comfortable, I mean they are my little feet, thank God they are so small lol).

-It is okay to use only a fork when at a public restaurant or when you are eating, nobody cares if you are good at using a fork and a knife, it is your food, your own tummy, besides for me I really enjoy it with a fork because it is faster especially if its chicken and a drum-stick, being brought up eating corn and sadza (an African dish which is best enjoyed using your hand), I mean I enjoy it better. On that note it is also okay to enjoy the food enough you clean the plate, as long as you don’t chew loudly and disgustingly it is your food, it’s supposed to be eaten, this especially goes to the ladies, you know what I mean, stop wasting food, and when you go back home you thinking, oh my word that was really nice I should have eaten it all but I was shy, duh, food is meant to be eaten

photo cred: (@tsitsi-z ig) picture drawn by a Zimbabwean Artist : Zim art Gallery

-It is not a crime not to participate in a family Whatsapp group, you don’t always have to talk just because you are afraid to be judged that you are full of yourself, I mean it’s your phone and your time as well, so if you have something very important to share just better call it is faster that way.

-It is okay to just laugh your mistakes off and not take it too seriously, it’s just mistakes, what’s bad is not to learn from them and repeat them, now that’s being dumb and has nothing to do with you being an imperfect human.

You are perfectly flawed, embrace your imperfections in all its forms, mental and physical, you are all you have, and one last thing, you don’t know everything, so it is okay to ask for help, and deliver way better than you could have if you could have just pretended that you know, that is more embarrassing than just asking for help… Have yourself a lovely week and remember everybody is an imperfect wo/man!!!

#conquer2019 #vision2019 #embraceyou #perfectly flawed

Ps: (wo/man= woman/man)

The Spirit of the Legend Lives On (in honor of Dr Oliver Tuku Mtukudzi)

I am coming here today with a broken heart, which I know the rest of the world also is. We are joining together in mourning the loss of a legend to all of us. I am disheartened by the loss of the great Dr Oliver Mutukudzi, who touched the lives of people through his legendary music. He was authentic, original, unique, humble, in short a legend that has left a great mark in this world. Today the Zimbabwean people joined in solidarity to do the #dhukufortuku day where anyone who felt to express their honor to Tuku had to wear a turban (doek/dhuku) of any color (mostly black for others) and wear all black symbolizing the loss of our hero. The “dhuku” which is a turban in Zimbabwean culture is mostly worn by women (and men in other cultures) as a sign of respect, humility and modesty. And today we had to honor Dr Tuku and pay our respect through this movement.

 Dr Oliver Mtukudzi( photo cred: Unknown)

I grew up admiring Tuku Mtukudzi because of his uniqueness and his embrace of the Afro fusion Jazz that most part of my life I loved listening to. Every other person who can speak Shona and English can testify how his lyrical content was deeply meaningful, resembling the day-to-day life events, it was rich, deep and touching , and talk about his type of music in general, it was very unique and represented Zimbabwe as a country itself.  Like most girls I told my mama” I want Tuku to sing on my wedding”, and I really wanted him to.

 I got so excited one time when I had that it was his birthday and he looked for a couple to bless with his band as a wedding gift. I thought this one whole legend and that so much goodness had to do that, for people that he didn’t even know, for free, this is amazing, it can only be Tuku. And I thought one day this could be me. It is unfortunate he had to leave and that dream will only remain that, a dream, I still have the greatest gift he left me though; multiple recordings of his unique amazing signature voice.  His legacy shall live forever in our hearts and ears and the rest of the world.  Long live your caring heart Dr Tuku (Zororai Murugare Nzou Samanyanga), your name shall live forever and our kids will know you by never meeting you in person but through your beautiful music, how cool is that?

My deepest condolences to his immediate family and the rest of his Zimbabwean family, we shall honor him till the end of time.

This challenges us as human being to use our talents to change the world and make it a better place. Music is life, and it heals the wounds only love can touch and Dr Tuku managed to do that to most of us if not all. Just like I mentioned in my previous post, it is a gift back to the universe to use our talents for better and who else other than our legend Tuku could set a better example. I was shocked by the solidarity I witnessed today in the city of Harare, where the people of Zimbabwe painted the city black in honour of Dr Tuku as well as the amazing doeks that were in most women’s heads. I am touched, motivated and inspired by the effect Dr Tuku had in Zimbabwe. Today we celebrate our lost hero, and the amazing works he did in Zimbabwe and the world over.

photo cred: unknown

For those who might not know the person I am talking about, His name is Oliver Mtukudzi who is an African son born and bred in Zimbabwe (FROM::September 22, 1952, Highfield, Harare) and left his mark all over the world (TO: January 23, 2019, The Avenues Clinic, Harare). I am speaking of him in present term, because to me and the rest of Zimbabwe his spirit lives on. He is a great Afro- Jazz musician, with the most unique voice ever in Zimbabwe, far and beyond and he proudly carried his Zimbabwean heritage through his voice all through these years.  I personally feel like he had that Tuku effect that no one ever will forget about his voice, it still rings so loud in my head and I am so grateful I was born after he started his music and I had to experience his amazingness through music.

In one of his  interviews he said the following:

"My 67^th album is meant to share a message of introspection and I am hoping people learn a thing or two from it. It’s an Album I wrote last year after I realized that the world keeps getting tangled up in unnecessary problems all because we are focused on competing and being better than the next person. In so doing we keep stepping on each other’s toes but that this is not how God created us. God meant for us to complement each other, that’s why he didn’t duplicate talent”  (TshisaLIVE Last interview with Oliver Mtukudzi: Times LIVE)

                                I feel this statement need not me explain further on it, it is all the word we need for the next 20 years to come as far as working together whilst using our talents for to change the world is concerned.

photo cred:Unknown

After the realization that life is this short, let us all remember to take the greatest lesson of a lifetime that our hero have left us; there is so much that your talent can do to change the world, if you use it well and maintain consistency and continuity. He lifted the flag of Zimbabwe so high into the sky, and left a challenge for all of us, to follow his steps. May your soul Rest in Peace Dr Tuku Mtukudzi. You will live forever!!!

#dhukufortuku  #yourspiritliveson #olivertukumtukudzi

Unintentional Murder !!! (I am both a victim and a perpetrator)

Hello everybody, welcome back!!!

Today I am feeling a little bit of some look-good-feel-good effect and I just thought to myself oh, self-consciousness is real. You look at yourself a certain way, you definitely feel a certain way. I am not even wearing anything special, not even any make up just  a regular lipstick and only my regular work uniform. What I did today was tie my hair differently in a high bun that shows off my face and make me look three years younger, especially my little eyes and my striking beauty spot that I am so proud of, (some people used to think I put that dot there with an eye liner, but oh its natural and I think it is cute) of course it is cute because everything about how you look is beautiful, urghh is it? Well…. Hold on a minute, AM I AT IT again? Being in my self-consciousness zone, and awareness, beating myself about trivial matters some of them even perceived not even real. But I just was feeling it right now, who blew my bubble? Follow me and get where I am going with this.

photo credit: @tsitsi-z 

This is exactly the anxiety that comes into your mind when you are in your moment and all feeling yourself and some thoughts come at the back of your mind, saying you are not as pretty as you think, or good as you think, which is inevitable because we are human, but should we allow it live life less? Because unfortunately, this doubt does not only end here, it goes further deep into many aspects of our lives.

 How many times have you self-doubted yourself, even on something you are really great at? How many times have you written an excellent piece of work and never read it to someone else because you thought it was not good enough? How many times have you drawn a beautiful portrait and shoved it into the garage storage box because you thought you are not as good as Z? How many times have you taken a picture of yourself and never posted it in fear of mean comments because you think you got a big forehead, or you are not light enough? And how many times have you been told you are beautiful, you are talented, and you are great but never believed it? The list is endless…

Give yourself just a couple of minutes and look back at whatever that applies to you in context where you doubted yourself, and now you see it was not as bad as you thought anyway? Right? And now tell me how many times did it happen? Now ask yourself, how many months, or years have you wasted in which you could have perfected that skill by now? I don’t know about you but as for me I have lost count, maybe five, six or eight, I could have been one of the best youngest writers around, but what I did I do, I told myself I am not good enough, and where did it get me, NOWHERE!!! So what is the purpose of living then, when self-doubt clouds our vision and robs us of our precious lives? Ponder on it… we are as good as non-existent.

Hey!!! Yes you, stop being the murderer of your own dreams, of your own future, your destiny, just because you do not have confidence in yourself or rather you are too critical of your work. Most of the times we are not successful not because of other people but because we had a great idea and it only remained a great idea just because we criticised ourselves too much and never gave it a chance to go out there and be worked on. We are constantly pursuing perfection that is non-existent so much so that we miss the best moments in life and waste our talents that could touch and change lives. The point is not to pursue perfection, but the pursuit should be for happiness.

Just because you are not confident enough does not mean that you are not good enough. Everybody is unique in their own way, and every talent is a compliment to the other out there which is why we were created individually and talent was never duplicated. You and I can have the same talent, but just because we are two different people then definitely those talents can be targeted at different audiences and places and therefore are going to have two different effects altogether. Bottom line is; there is only one you, and only you can display it best according to the diversity of your own abilities.

Over the years I struggled with self-criticism a whole lot, I always thought yes lady you might have written a thousand pieces but where are they (you tore most of them and stored the little left in your little journals and so what? Yes you got that nice dress and it fits you properly but there is someone else who is curved enough to fit into it way better. No you think you can sing, but A is way better than you, just shut up and stop embarrassing yourself. You think you can deliver speeches in front of these many people, I’m going to disturb your speech you are going to stammer a whole lot, or get choked or you are going to mispronounce this big word and they are all going to laugh at you, and talk behind your back. You are just not good enough young lady, and then I would just draw back and sit there and not deliver rightfully as I should have. This led me to killing many of the opportunities thrown at me which I should have used.

But this year tell yourself and your abilities, ”[………..insert your name here] enough is enough, we are not going to take any of that this year ,we have stalled for long and what did it bring us, NOTHING” Sitting here just criticizing yourself saying you not good enough, doesn’t change anything. It is like standing in the rain, crying that you getting wet whilst you not looking for a shade or an umbrella. You will still get wet my friend and even get sick. Stop being the murderer of your own destiny, of your own talents. Just start now and perfect the skill as you go. Join the movement, grow with me as I try and utilize my talents for the greater good, together we can figure this out!!! Five years from now, you will tell a different story… Free yourself from the bondage of seeking perfection and fly away…

see? I already practiced to fly away like a bird lol!!!

#vision2019 #conquer2019 #beyoutifullyyounique

I WILL MARRY WHEN I WANT!!!

What a beautiful day it is to be alive, I hope you all having a good day, if not, just whatever it is that is bothering you, it shall pass “ THIS TOO SHALL PASS…” Trust me it will, just give me your ear just for now and get carried away with what I will have to talk about today. Any Africans in the house? Not to exclude others ,no, but just because it’s worse in Africa and I am African so how best can I explain this parody than explain it in the context I know best. If you are here just smile a little bit more and especially if you are a woman, this even gets more interesting because one way or the other I know you know exactly what I’m going to talk about and can relate. 

Also this is dedicated to each and every woman or man of any race or ethnicity affected by these these funny beliefs and cultures that rather tear us down than build us, any community that has these believes that are too stereotypical sometimes it’s just absurd. I mean for lack of a better word it is ridiculous, it is not you, it is them that have everything wrong with them, should I say it again, IT IS THEM NOT YOU,(this is rather a very familiar phrase when that guy is fed up with you and just can’t break it off, I mean who says that really , it’s not you it’s me blah-blah-blah, get lost man# laughs# ) anyway I’m not using that line to break up with you I seriously mean it, there is nothing wrong with you, it is just how they see the world and its sad, well for them, definitely not you…

Anyway, let’s dive deep…

It all started when I was born, and was pronounced “a girl”, you have no idea how that sex brought me as many stereotypes as the sand of the sea. I’m being for real; being born female in Africa has in many ways been misconceptualized. Stereotypes, patriarchy road blocks, inequality and all those other things, I don’t want to get too feminist right now because it gets really violent and ugly when I do, lol, but anyway you get the picture. And then I grew up, and I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings to a boy, I wasn’t allowed to flirt with a boy lest I be called loose or slut, I wasn’t allowed to be too strong and challenging lest I won’t find a man who can stand that, I wasn’t allowed to shout or jump or do somersaults because a girl just can’t do that, not even allowed to date before I’m eighteen because I am an African woman. Ehehehehehehe, let me laugh at myself at the last one because my African mama will never allow me to date because I am her baby till I’m a hundred , (forgive me I had to laugh in my mother tongue because that best explains how serious it is #laughs).

Fast forward to when I reached my twenties I mean all hell started to crack before it broke loose, I’ts even breaking loose now that I’m in my mid-twenties and I am a woman, and not married, they call it UNMARRIED, because it is somehow a taboo. I remember when I was twenty-two a little more than just a handful of uncles and aunts started asking, “when are you getting married?”, and I was like ummmm whaaat??? I mean you should have seen my expression really because the question is just that one annoying question if you should ask me. If you ask me right now I’m going to give you a slap good enough you will go back to sleep trust me.

photo: at 22 i mean look at this sweet sixteen and all they saw was a grandma, really?

When they asked, I would just smile back, for lack of a better facial expression but deep within I would be giving the person that “I’m-constipated-and-it-really-isn’t-letting-loose-anytime-soon-look”, if you know, you know, and I really didn’t understand why that question was being asked and I thought I was just young woman starting to find herself, her passion, her gift and finding my feet to stand in the ground of the real world. I mean look at the young woman in the picture above, look at the smile, look at the young sweet sixteen look and all the relatives was seeing was a grandma, I just didn’t understand it( I know I’m exaggerating that doesn’t look sixteen but I mean , you know lol).

 And guess what, now I’m in my mid-twenties, and your guess is as good as mine I now look more than just a grandma, I’m now graduated to an ancestor because the rate at which the question is being asked now is alarming, #laughs#. For crying out loud I am a young woman just in her twenties and I have a life planned out for me by me. The society has tagged a line for when I am supposed to have been married and started a family, but I am a modern woman, I have dreams, I have ambitions, I have a life, we only live once, I mean, the society is brutal. But one thing here baby girl, this is your life and you only live once, live it the best way you want and do not succumb to the pressures of the society. People are different, we all grow differently, and we all have our different times.

this is me now and i still look sixteen lol, but seriously how can the society see a grandma, look at it this masterpiece!!!

I am very happy and proud for my fellow friends and age mates, who have found their better-halves and have committed to spend the rest of their lives together which is beautiful thing. Love is a beautiful thing and marriage is a sacred institution. Get me right there is nothing wrong with being married at twenty, twenty-two, or eighteen, and also hear this, there is nothing wrong with being married at thirty or thirty-five, it is a personal decision. The point being that, the society decides for us on many things, even those that are personal that it comes a time where the pressure is unnecessarily too much, for what? I mean, don’t I have a say in this, because I’m the one who is going to spend the rest of my life married, News alert: I do have a say, and therefore I will decide.

In the African society being twenty-eight for instance and not being married worries the aunts and the uncles, they want to take you to the witch doctor to get cleansed because something is definitely wrong with you. There is a picture that recently circulated on social media, captioned , how I look( young and beautiful) and how my relatives see me ( old and tired with grey hair) and it just got me in stitches but it definitely summed up the whole topic. This also reminded me of a book I read in primary school and was kind of confused about how the topic and the story linked, and I definitely looked it up again and realized that the topic simply was ironic. The book is called “ I will marry when I want : Ngugi Wathiong’o, in which one character called Gathoni’s intent was to marry when she wants, which was ironic, she could not really  marry when she wanted because of patriarchal, cultural and societal structures. It is an old book but you can also read it if want and get more insights of an African patriarchal society.

 photo cred: inspired by this text : I will marry when i want (1977) by Ngugi Wathiong'ocaption

The interesting thing here is “I will marry when I want”, and the difference between me and the book is I’m not being ironic, I definitely mean it. Take charge of your life and do not succumb to the societal pressures, it is your life. You only live once, You will marry when you are ready. You hear me? If you are ready at twenty-one do it, if you are at twenty-five do, if you are ready at thirty just do it…

Love to you all, the married, engaged , and yet to be married, do you!!!

#conquer2019

#vision2019

#lifeahappylife

Unspoken Words

A visit to the gallery....

Hey family, I hope I find you well , healthy and drinking lots of water I guess, if you aren't, please go get a glass right now or rather that cute juice bottle, fill it right to the bream with water. Cut little pieces of cucumber or lemon or ginger and drop it in there and voila we have ourselves a nice hydrating pump as we feed our minds through a little reading here. I got mine too, well mine is an ugly jar, that has since lost its sparkle but all the same its a jar of clean water right, and that's what mawe such to someone else but trust me, you just need to see these things for yourself through exploring more.Remember to stay hydrated as we do this.

So yes, recently my cousin and I visited the art gallery, and my oh my, you don't say, the world has a lot of beautiful stories to tell and what better way to tell stories than through visual effects. Color is life, canvas is the breathe of life, ink is the body in which the breathe is breathed into. We experienced a really great time. We had initially thought we were going to spend about an hour there, and guess how many more we spent , at least ninety more minutes extra , and we didn't even get to finish seeing the whole gallery.

Art is a form of expression that touches deep within the soul and right deep into the mind. I personally have a strong liking for music, reading and writing and I think I fell in love with my forth love, ink and canvas. The experience I had can only be expressed through art itself , I do not have any other beautiful way to express it. During the beginning of the month, remember we talked about doing new things, seeing new places, doing things that make us so happy, and I think I found another link to my purpose. It such a fulfilling feeling to find that link that sparkles that feeling of excitement that one cannot explain, and you right away that this definitely has a link to my purpose, I am in the right direction. 

The reason why I thought I should share this is because, just recently I wrote about finding your purpose , and knowing your why. I mentioned that sometimes to find your purpose you have to know that it is linked to your passion and gifts. You get to know right away that you are in the right direction when you find things that sparkle your excitement and compliment your strengths, girl keep going, get to grow and strengthen the fort to your ultimate purpose. This experience is just a confirmation from the universe itself that I am in the right direction and girl you are definitely opening great doors leading you to your full growth. So that is why I decided to share you see where I am going with this? It is the littlest of things that lead us, we just need to listen and pay so much attention to our calls.

I challenge you to explore more and see the world and appreciate all the goodness it has to offer. You will be surprised by what is out there. I got to see art that opened new floodgates of happiness and joy and a deep sense of belonging. It is amazing how the littlest of things change our worlds. The visit to the gallery was such an experience for me which opened new gates and horizons for me, so let me just say please in your journey of searching for yourself, visit more new places, meet new people, do things you just never thought you would , you never know, you can just meet yourself in one of these beautiful places.

And oh  by the way the gallery I visited is just a local gallery in the capital city of Harare and guess what , I have been passing through the place for about four years now and never bothered to see what's inside. And when I finally did, I got to see a beautiful world with different kinds of art and they spoke to me differently, with so many different messages. There is so much talent out there and talent which we should appreciate and embrace. This might just sound like a minor thing which doesn't have an impact or anything as such , but trust me, explore more and start small and you will see the growth from there.

If I was still in primary school and asked to write an essay of one experience I will never forget, this definitely could have cut it ...This will be remembered for years...

Remember to always have fun, be happy, explore, see what you never expected to and grow, also grow with me, lets all grow better together . 
XoXo, lots of love ... 

#vision2019

#conquer

Current Read: Forgiveness and Moving On: Let it Go!!!

Hey loves hope you are having a great day, I myself is feeling good as I write this down I am in the mood of forgiving. You ever read a book that feels like it is talking right to you and has been sent to serve a purpose of healing your wounds, those that have existed for quite a while. Many times I just decide to let go and forget about things unlike most people I forget and not forgive. Honestly I sometimes think or rather convince myself that I have forgiven and forgotten but the confrontations that come when I am just talking about the incident I then realize that I just was trying to forget about the drama or offense just real quick so that I just get over it. 

This often eats me up in my subconscious because I would have just bandaged an open untreated wound so that it doesn’t look bad and as well put a numbing gel there that the pain just decreases. But what is wrong with this is that the infection runs deep because the wound has not been nursed well, it has not been treated, it just was covered so I don’t get to see the nasty wound wide open looking ugly. It eats down the flesh and starts smelling so bad because it is an open untreated wound, what did you expect, it is a wound so that is just how wounds operate. In short I become bitter, for lack of a better word, and yes I mean it becomes very ugly, for me and the people around me, and for that matter I am a woman, yes, a woman and we all know we “talk” we “snap”, and being a black African woman is like the “cherry on top”, I rant, to everyone, I mean even the cat in the house knows she can’t be messed with, all else we all feel it with her in the house. I know you get the picture, lol.

 Tell me you don’t know what I am talking about, you don’t? Really? You do right? Yes acceptance now we are talking, that is the first thing to do, accept this happened and needs to be dealt with, ASAP, before the whole hand or foot that has been injured falls off. If it’s a finger or foot the better for you because it could have been worse, maybe the nose or the eye, the whole face love, think about it. You might ask why I am speaking in this coded language; this is to simplify the whole crisis because I know we are all self-conscious especially with our bodies. Sometimes or rather most times when people hurt us, even the littlest of things, they hurt us for their own selfish reasons more than they hurt us for us, it is about fulfilling their own agendas, to make themselves happy, to fulfil their dreams, to be free from bondage etcetera, it is mostly not about us , and therefore they just do not care when we sulk the whole while and usually we fail to see that and we are always mad and angry when we have an encounter with them. We want to spit in their face and most of the time they just do not care. Now who is being hurt way too much? Who is having sleepless nights,  who is always feeling a roaring anger when they see the offender? It is you the victim right? So why don’t you just relieve yourself from the burden you are carrying that not only destroys you but messes up even the lives of the people you have around.  

Not forgiving someone because they broke your heart, they dropped your phone and did not repair it, they cheated on you, they stole from you is what I am referring to as the wound on the arm or foot, think about the one that has been scarred on the face forever, the one who have witnessed murder of their parents or such, they have been wounded and scarred forever and it hurts but some of them have been the strongest people I salute ever. They have displayed this strength through forgiving, through letting go because they have respected themselves enough to free themselves from the bondage of not forgiving their offender. I understand you have been hurt, and you would say “easier said than done” but think about it, the susceptibility of hurt that we have gone through is very different nobody else understands what you are going through except for you and this is true but listen to this;                         

 What is better, to hate the offender forever and never forgive forever whilst at it hurting your life  forever whilst they are having the times of their lives somewhere else, or just let it go. Imean its sad but most of them just do not care, especially the ones that lack remorse, sometimes I feel like just getting violent , I mean I don’t want to sit here and look all innocent, I am human and I have been hurt and I hurt too so I know exactly what I am talking about. The good thing is to learn to be the better version of yourself and I am not perfect I am also learning. So, free yourself and treat your wound to your advantage so that it heals nicely and only leaves scars that remind us of not making the same mistake of trusting our lives with the offender, not in a hate way but in a learning the-hard-way way. We are humans, mistakes make us learn. Now free you through forgiveness and move on, your offender most likely just don’t care, I said this before, I’m sorry but it’s true. Be the bigger person that sees the bigger picture, you are doing it for YOU. And if your offender is remorseful and means their apologies then that makes it a bonus to you, because some people genuinely hurt us by mistake, or if not, they hurt us and are genuinely sorry after admitting they hurt you. So this is two-sided. It all applies to being hurt in general and learning to forgive.

 I am currently reading the book written by TD Jakes called “Let it go” and it is such a relatable book, when I am reading it I feel so connected to its content. It has shaded more light to me about the topic of forgiveness and has taught most of the things I have articulated just above. It says ,”Forgive so you can be forgiven”. One part which really was a game changer for me was the part where TD Jakes wrote;

                “…whether we realize it or not, our infection infiltrates our gifts, our talents, our workplace, our relationships, every aspect and area of our lives. Just as an internal infection can go septic and poison our blood, which then spreads throughout our body, so can this personal and emotional infection spread and affect all areas of our life- the ability to interact with co-workers, to make new friends, to ask someone out on a date, etc..”   T.D. JAKES: LET IT GO(2012) New York.

…and this my friend is the infection of not forgiving that you do not need in your life, ITS TOXIC to nobody else but you.

Just imagine giving your offender so much power over your life, No!!! no, no, no, they do not deserve an inch of even your hatred, you learnt that lesson the first time, just forgive and let go, and when you heal you will live your best life and experience the goodness  life has to offer. This is just a sneak peek into the book and I highly recommend if you haven’t read it before, please if you are with me on the 50 books Reading Challenge please incorporate it on your schedule, and for someone else not doing the challenge the better for you to take time and read this phenomenal teacher of a book, it is so relatable, I guarantee you.

If you also have any suggestions feel free to converse with me down below, you are all welcome…

Live life to the fullest, you only have one…Lots of love, mwaaah, xoxo!!!

#vision2019 #shereads #bibliophile #lifelessons