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I am sitting here thinking of all the evil I have done, judge you, laugh at your mistakes, pulling you down with the drags, and lagging it all out of your stakes, I am in shock with my stance, because after all I am not God, I mean I am not even a mere dust of gold, who am I to take this fill and drag you down with the projections of my imperfections, after all you should't even take me seriously I am way less than perfect and I will not blame this to my humanness. It is not even cute It's simply me being brute...
I understand all I have said cannot be taken back and I am rather taken aback by the person I am, Seriously I will take back all the backlash and the pain I have caused you. I am only a mere figure of my ego which shadows my premature mind which only came into existence by grace of the universe, the universe shouldn't even have given me the chance to see light of the day even, for being this person, I never knew this was who I was, simply a bully, when I thought I was actually "the bull"...
So this is me looking at the ultrasound of my mind, deformed, missing limbs and having extra ears and lips of anger and a crude character, a lot is going on and here I am zoning in, in my shock, I should take my flock and move in a zone of discovery, I can't imagine what I have made you go through, My heart is in the mode of an airlock, I mean this bubble of regret and remorse is here just stopping the flow of my gutted self-absorption and the idea that I am bigger and better than you my goodness, well I should applaud you, you are grander than I am for lasting this long...
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I know I broke you, but I should have paid attention to my brokeass being that only stood for nothing whilst losing everything in the midst of crashing your world down breaking the heart that did not even deserve my attention, I deserve a life detention, but if you let me I ask for a second chance, I ask for that special reevaluation because all I am is regrettably my actual self that has come to terms with my shortcomings, my flaws and premature character. I seek for a second chance, if I had to fall in a trance asking, asking for forgiveness I would, I am prepared, to my old ways I will not revert.
I want you to understand, please understand that all I said to you and put you through does not reflect the shortcomings in you, rather its a projection of my very own shortcomings, I am broken, I am inadequate , I am flawed and for that I do not take pride. Whilst I am this , you are bigger, you are better, you are still whole and for all the confidence I have ripped off you, I seek and will pay with my life for your healing, this is not a promise because I tend to break a lot of those, because like I said I come with too many shortcomings, a promise would simply be one of my lies, but what I will give you is my word and if i fail again, the bed I would have made is the one in which I will lie.
All I am saying is I am sorry, I honestly acknowledge your strength and the beauty of your heart. Read this letter that I have typed sitting in my silence on my phone, with reservations because I simply deserve it, in fact scratch this one of a second chance, am not asking for a second chance, rather I ask for you to forgive yourself for ever doubting yourself based on my disrespectful and unkind words and actions towards you, you did not ask for it and certainly did not deserve it, I simply shouldn't have done it. Now I can only imagine how you felt when I put you through all the hurt and broke your trust for ever being around me, your strength inspires me, if it was me I would have simply chosen the easy way out, because after all, I am a coward. Above all I ask for your healing to come as soon as you find it in your heart to forgive me, I TOO AM SEEKING FOR HEALING, and most of all forgive yourself for ever believing me.
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#christinematengaspokenword #movingon #reflections
This is one spoken word poetry I thought I should dedicate to everyone that has been bullied in one way or the other, betrayed and taken down through harsh words, to be enlightened that whatever they have put you through is simply a reflection of their shortcomings and not yours. You are not the smaller person , they are and for that forgive yourself for ever giving them room to drag you down with them. The power of words is strong, but simply hold your power throw deaf ears and move, they are simply words out of crooked mind.
As we are starting a new month and almost three quarter way into finishing the first quarter of the year, be reminded you are not what they see you as, the lens in which they view you is one that is dirty and therefore they do not see clearly, they think you are dirty and not worthy enough simply because their view lens is the one that is actually dirty, be reminded you sparkle of potential, of greatness and a future and now that you rightfully wish for because you are who you say you are, you are power, you are strength and you are more. Do not seek for external validation because the world is simply not positive and perfect, perfection like I always say is a myth and constantly seeking positivity especially from people limits you.
What you intake is what you sow in your mind, and what you sow in your mind, is what is most likely to fill your garden of thoughts, and therefore be careful of what you tolerate from your people, and those around you!
Lets all keep growing together and always remember it is not you, it is them, that is why I have apologized on their behalf already. Talk soon , XOXO!!!
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