Sorry to judge, I can only imagine what you have gone through...

                To you whose life I broke through my words...
      
                                         💔💔💔

I am sitting here thinking of all the evil I have done, judge you, laugh at your mistakes, pulling you down with the drags, and lagging it all out of your stakes, I am in shock with my stance, because after all I am not God, I mean I am not even a mere dust of gold, who am I to take this fill and drag you down with the projections of my imperfections, after all you should't even take me seriously I am way less than perfect and I will not blame this to my humanness. It is not even cute It's simply me being brute...

 I understand all I have said cannot be taken back and  I am rather taken aback by the person I am, Seriously I will take back all the backlash and the pain I have caused you. I am only a mere figure of my ego which shadows my premature mind which only came into existence by grace of the universe, the universe shouldn't even have given me the chance to see light of the day even, for being this person, I never knew this was who I was, simply a bully, when I thought I was actually "the bull"...

So this is me looking at the ultrasound of my mind, deformed, missing limbs and having extra ears and lips of anger and a crude character, a lot is going on and here I am zoning in, in my shock, I should take my flock and move in a zone of discovery, I can't imagine what I have made you go through, My heart is in the mode of an airlock, I mean this bubble of regret and remorse is here just stopping the flow of my gutted self-absorption and the idea that I am bigger and better than you my goodness, well I should applaud you, you are grander than I am for lasting this long...  

💔💔💔

I know I broke you, but I should have paid attention to my brokeass being that only stood for nothing whilst losing everything in the midst of crashing your world down breaking the heart that did not even deserve my attention, I deserve a life detention, but if you let me I ask for a second chance, I ask for that special reevaluation because all I am is regrettably my actual self that has come to terms with my shortcomings, my flaws and premature character. I seek for a second chance, if I had to fall in a trance asking, asking for forgiveness I would, I am prepared, to my old ways I will not revert.

I want you to understand, please understand that all I said to you and put you through does not reflect the shortcomings in you, rather its a projection of my very own shortcomings, I am broken, I am inadequate , I am flawed and for that I do not take pride. Whilst I am this , you are bigger, you are better, you are still whole and for all the confidence I have ripped off you, I seek and will pay with my life for your healing, this is not a promise because I tend to break a lot of those, because like I said I come with too many shortcomings, a promise would simply be one of my lies, but what I will give you is my word and if i fail again, the bed I would have made is the one in which I will lie.

All I am saying is I am sorry, I honestly acknowledge your strength and the beauty of your heart. Read this letter that I have typed sitting in my silence on my phone,  with reservations because I simply deserve it, in fact scratch this one of a second chance,  am not asking for a second chance, rather I ask for you to forgive yourself for ever doubting yourself based on my disrespectful and unkind words and actions towards you, you did not ask for it and certainly did not deserve it, I simply shouldn't have done it. Now I can only imagine how you felt when I put you through all the hurt and broke your trust for ever being around me, your strength inspires me, if it was me I would have simply chosen the easy way out, because after all, I am a coward. Above all I ask for your healing to come as soon as you find it in your heart to forgive me, I TOO AM SEEKING FOR HEALING, and most of all forgive yourself for ever believing me. 

💔💔💔

#christinematengaspokenword #movingon #reflections

This is one spoken word poetry I thought I should dedicate to everyone that has been bullied in one way or the other, betrayed and taken down through harsh words, to be enlightened that whatever they have put you through is simply a reflection of their shortcomings and not yours. You are not the smaller person , they are and for that forgive yourself for ever giving them room to drag you down with them. The power of words is strong, but simply hold your power throw deaf ears and move, they are simply words out of crooked mind.

As we are starting a new month and almost three quarter way into finishing the first quarter of the year, be reminded you are not what they see you as, the lens in which they view you is one that is dirty and therefore they do not see clearly, they think you are dirty and not worthy enough simply because their view lens is the one that is actually dirty, be reminded you sparkle of potential, of greatness and a future and now that you rightfully wish for because you are who you say you are, you are power, you are strength and you are more. Do not seek  for external validation because the world is simply not positive and perfect, perfection like I always say is a myth and constantly seeking positivity especially from people limits you. 

What you intake is what you sow in your mind, and what you sow in your mind, is what is most likely to fill your garden of thoughts, and therefore be careful of what you tolerate from your people, and those around you!

Lets all keep growing together and always remember it is not you, it is them, that is why I have apologized on their behalf already. Talk soon , XOXO!!!

They will tell you "Money is not everything in life", but is poverty something?

Oh Hello there, yes you, it has been a minute and I have missed sitting here looking pretty minding my own business of being in your business. Yes you heard right, your business of forgetting your worth, of comparing yourself with others, of failing to remember that before anything else your opinions about yourself matter more than anyone else’, need I say more. Well maybe, or maybe not in my own voice, because I have something even better today…

So I have a lot of journals, diaries, notebooks, you name it and I always get to read the most meaningful and uplifting bits when I least expect it. I recently came across a literal gem of a wake-up call through one of these notebooks. I would be lying if I say I remember what inspired me to write the message but I would like to believe that I wrote it after or in the midst of listening to a podcast or something like that (all I know is I will not take full credit of this particular message, it is not originally in my words and thank you to whoever gave this message to me) cause the message gave me a piece of its mind, I mean it did. I thought what better way to start a new month than to bless you all with this gem of a reminder.

Give them a blind eye and do not give them the weaponry to your downfall as much as you should stop being your own worst enemy, cause no matter what, people talk and always will, the mouths on their faces are definitely not there for display…

“Make it your ambition to ignore and overlook many things if you truly want to escape misery in your life, because the easiest way to a miserable life is to think that everybody is talking about you. Never allow any person to steal your joy from you in whatever shape or form. What people say behind your back is none of your business as long as you are true to yourself. Never worry about gossip.

Sometimes minding your own business does not keep people out of yours and no matter your situation in life people will always talk. You can never stop people from talking about you, what you can do is to stop giving them what to talk about.

There is a time limit for every rumor in life. Never allow freelance broadcasters put your life on a hold. Do what makes you happy because when you are sad it’s you who get to feel it, so anyone who cannot feel your pain has no right to judge you. Seventy per cent of those who talk bad about you behind your back, somehow wish for something you have in your life.

When people cannot be like you they try to bring you down and condemn what you have. Those without money will sarcastically say, “Money is not everything in life”, but is poverty everything?

Never allow anyone to put you in a position of depression and self-doubt, understand this one thing, because those whose life has no joy will always find every reason to remove happiness from other people’s lives. They project their fears and limitations on other people.

If you are a believer and you believe that there is a certain kind of Grace in your life, then enemies are inevitable and if no one has ever gossiped or talked about you behind your back, it means nothing relevant has ever happened to you. Beautiful flowers attract the sting of a bee.

Never feel bad when old friends become new enemies. They are just tired of pretending to be friends. Be grateful. If you get hurt, left, betrayed by the one person you believed was your one true love or one true friend, be grateful they did now before you got even deeper and waste the most precious time of your life.

Never allow the opinions of people who did not see your tears to stop your laughter, you do not owe anybody an explanation to your happiness.

Never limit yourself by seeing yourself through the eyes of those who do not value you. To be beautiful is to be yourself. To stand out is to be outstanding. To be fully accepted is to be loved by you, and to fully belong is to have residence and comfort in yourself. You do not need permission from others to belong; you do not need to be who you are not to be accepted. Accept yourself.

Always remember to never beg to be accepted, because anything you acquire through begging will require begging to be maintained or retained.

Be humble but selective, and being selective does not equal arrogance or pride, it simply means knowing your worth. If you are conscious of your personality avoid too much familiarity.

Sometimes when you treat people too much like celebrities they end up treating you like just an ordinary fan, you are equally important.

It is detrimental to your growth, to downgrade yourself while trying to upgrade somebody in life. Anyone who sees you like an option doesn’t deserve to be a priority in your life.

The dream of a fool is for everybody to become a fool like himself, so avoid negative people if you have a path you want to follow, because those without mission will say your vision is just an illusion. (This spoke to me deeply, and all the other parts in bold.)

Negative minds barely give you a positive outcome, so anyone who is always reminding you about what is wrong with you has a personal problem which they might be taking out on you and trying to make themselves feel better.

Most people spend half of their entire lives analyzing the faults in other people’s lives, when their own lives need urgent repairs, so do not be taken down by those kinds of people, as much as you do not want to be that person, DO NOT BE THAT PERSON!!!

Final note: Some will hate you, others will love you, but loving you or hating you is both in your favor. When people love you, you live peacefully and happily in their hearts, and when people hate you, you become the landlord in their heads living painfully in their brain and every day, giving them sleepless nights. So how about that? ( And let me note  this right away here and now : also applies to you if you hate someone you are going to have sleepless nights for someone who doesn’t even care or better yet know you are hating on them, make wise decisions on this love/hate thing and preserve your happiness, you owe yourself that much.)

I hope you picked a thing or two and if you didn’t (giving you side eye and judging you vehemently so, lol) I hope you do next time. It is always a pleasure to have a few minutes of your time, and I’m thankful for those minutes. Let’s keep growing together, and always remember, before you are anyone’s you are YOURS!!!

#growth #selflove #reflections #reminders