DIARY OF A 25 YEAR OLD AFRICAN GIRL…

DIARY OF A 25 YEAR OLD AFRICAN GIRL… (It will not stay the same)

“Dear Diary…

Just as I woke up today I lost all power to get out of bed, because I know ,I just know that the day isn’t going to be any different, same old as it was the last 2 years. I cannot believe how excited I was on my graduation day in one beautiful month of November. I had so much energy, so many hopes and desires and the very best of them a hope for a job just as I had always thought, I was going to be a Lawyer with full potential walking so graciously in my black well fitted suits and calling “yes your honour”, “objection my Lord” and all the fascinating expressions lawyers make, but was I right, NO!

I feel LONELY by the day, I feel even lost and confused, I do not understand what is going on in my life, and nobody told me it was going to be like this. They didn’t teach us about this predicament when we were still in school, they didn’t tell us it was going to be this hard.

I feel FEAR every day of my life, I don’t know the direction my life is taking. I have lost friends because of my insecurities that I project to them, and the way I recklessly speak to them without paying attention. I have lost my intentionality and I just do things unplanned and just however way. I am afraid of being a failure its eating me up every day. Talk about all the hopes my mother had, oh I am a disappointment.

I feel ANGER at the social system and everybody in it, why is it like this? Where am I going? I look outside my world and its chaotic, most of my university colleagues are working as shop attends, hustling, being vendors. My fellow friends who have attained high class and very satisfactory results just as I did are just roaming the streets without any plan. Is this what we signed up for?

I feel LEFT OUT AND BEHIND, how could this be possible, I am 25 and with literally nothing, no job, no car, no decent phone, literally nothing, not even confidence, I don’t know how to fix it. I need help, please something, I need a job, I have no idea where I am going. I am so scared. I am sad and want to cry every time, please God help! When is change going to come?

Yours always

Me…”

Can anyone relate to this? I know there are many of us who have gone through this, some are going through it right now, some will soon go through it ( sadly enough, though I wouldn’t want us to dwell in our loses and negativity I wish it could be a bit different and nobody had to go through this at all), it’s a continuous struggle and it is real. And it is what is eating up many of our young people of this generation. 

Some are totally failing to deal with it and fall into depression, some are completely giving up hope and just going by the wind. But is it really the end? Do you think it really is the end? You are not alone.

Take it from this point of view: Your 20s aren’t the final years of your life, though they build a foundation of the rest of your life, it’s not the end, they are actually a means to an end. So listen, whatever you are going through is not the end. 

This is the time to figure out what you really want out of life. To figure out your talents, to find yourself, the greatest five years to your 30s that will have endless possibilities in finding the self. This is not the time to feel like a failure. All the emotions mentioned above, I have passed through and the frustration is real, it is rather too visible, but let me tell you from what I have gone through myself. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  Almost everybody has gone through this phase, unless if you are privileged enough to be born in a well-off family where everything has always been set up for you (lucky you, never take it for granted), we all pass through this phase, and it is important to look out for self, to hold self from falling into depression.

It takes time but everything falls into place if you are careful and not lose yourself, you need not lose your precious self. I have gone through this phase so I know exactly what I am talking about. I figured instead of throwing the pity party, I should really do something about this. I rekindled the fire with my writing and other areas I am passionate about and found a love I had never known existed, I even found opportunities I could have not been aware of had I stayed in my shell throwing a pity party for myself. I found an escape and even invested my time in it, and boy was I right.

All I am saying is this is not the end. Your mental health should always come first and never be neglected; you need your insanity to finally enjoy yourself when you reach that place that you always wanted to. Commit time to finding things you love doing and do these more often. Whilst trying to earn a living, try volunteering first, selling something even though everybody out here is selling something, you will be shocked that in an economy that is so bad some people just like you are thriving. Be innovative, sell your talents, and acquire new skills.

Your degree is not final, venture into other disciplines, try something new, just do something and not remain the same. Stop complaining and start doing. Think deep about this and take action, if you want to remain the same or if you want to move, it is all in your hands. I am not exactly where I want to be but I have not stopped pursuing what I want, exploring and looking into other fields. You are allowed to study again in a new area or advance your education in the area of your interest, just don’t stop moving until you find something. Meet new people, go places, that’s how you get connected, don’t just stay in your shade, that’s how you drown in your sorrows and fall into depression. Keep moving, you will definitely get there, and when you get into your mid-thirties you will smile back and appreciate yourself for never giving up.

This is for everyone like me, who have experienced unemployment, underemployment, (“little-or-no-employment”, “employmentlessness” and many other self-invented words to describe the state of not working) whatever that relates to having no job, no plan or experiencing the evils of distorted social strata. Besides blaming the other institutions, how much effort have you put in yourself, think about it, and start doing something, JUST START AND START NOW!!!

Always remember to love yourself enough to respect your future and guard your legacy. You are unique, everybody else is taken! Let us grow together!

#lifelessons #reflections #selfdevelopment