I WILL MARRY WHEN I WANT!!!

What a beautiful day it is to be alive, I hope you all having a good day, if not, just whatever it is that is bothering you, it shall pass “ THIS TOO SHALL PASS…” Trust me it will, just give me your ear just for now and get carried away with what I will have to talk about today. Any Africans in the house? Not to exclude others ,no, but just because it’s worse in Africa and I am African so how best can I explain this parody than explain it in the context I know best. If you are here just smile a little bit more and especially if you are a woman, this even gets more interesting because one way or the other I know you know exactly what I’m going to talk about and can relate. 

Also this is dedicated to each and every woman or man of any race or ethnicity affected by these these funny beliefs and cultures that rather tear us down than build us, any community that has these believes that are too stereotypical sometimes it’s just absurd. I mean for lack of a better word it is ridiculous, it is not you, it is them that have everything wrong with them, should I say it again, IT IS THEM NOT YOU,(this is rather a very familiar phrase when that guy is fed up with you and just can’t break it off, I mean who says that really , it’s not you it’s me blah-blah-blah, get lost man# laughs# ) anyway I’m not using that line to break up with you I seriously mean it, there is nothing wrong with you, it is just how they see the world and its sad, well for them, definitely not you…

Anyway, let’s dive deep…

It all started when I was born, and was pronounced “a girl”, you have no idea how that sex brought me as many stereotypes as the sand of the sea. I’m being for real; being born female in Africa has in many ways been misconceptualized. Stereotypes, patriarchy road blocks, inequality and all those other things, I don’t want to get too feminist right now because it gets really violent and ugly when I do, lol, but anyway you get the picture. And then I grew up, and I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings to a boy, I wasn’t allowed to flirt with a boy lest I be called loose or slut, I wasn’t allowed to be too strong and challenging lest I won’t find a man who can stand that, I wasn’t allowed to shout or jump or do somersaults because a girl just can’t do that, not even allowed to date before I’m eighteen because I am an African woman. Ehehehehehehe, let me laugh at myself at the last one because my African mama will never allow me to date because I am her baby till I’m a hundred , (forgive me I had to laugh in my mother tongue because that best explains how serious it is #laughs).

Fast forward to when I reached my twenties I mean all hell started to crack before it broke loose, I’ts even breaking loose now that I’m in my mid-twenties and I am a woman, and not married, they call it UNMARRIED, because it is somehow a taboo. I remember when I was twenty-two a little more than just a handful of uncles and aunts started asking, “when are you getting married?”, and I was like ummmm whaaat??? I mean you should have seen my expression really because the question is just that one annoying question if you should ask me. If you ask me right now I’m going to give you a slap good enough you will go back to sleep trust me.

photo: at 22 i mean look at this sweet sixteen and all they saw was a grandma, really?

When they asked, I would just smile back, for lack of a better facial expression but deep within I would be giving the person that “I’m-constipated-and-it-really-isn’t-letting-loose-anytime-soon-look”, if you know, you know, and I really didn’t understand why that question was being asked and I thought I was just young woman starting to find herself, her passion, her gift and finding my feet to stand in the ground of the real world. I mean look at the young woman in the picture above, look at the smile, look at the young sweet sixteen look and all the relatives was seeing was a grandma, I just didn’t understand it( I know I’m exaggerating that doesn’t look sixteen but I mean , you know lol).

 And guess what, now I’m in my mid-twenties, and your guess is as good as mine I now look more than just a grandma, I’m now graduated to an ancestor because the rate at which the question is being asked now is alarming, #laughs#. For crying out loud I am a young woman just in her twenties and I have a life planned out for me by me. The society has tagged a line for when I am supposed to have been married and started a family, but I am a modern woman, I have dreams, I have ambitions, I have a life, we only live once, I mean, the society is brutal. But one thing here baby girl, this is your life and you only live once, live it the best way you want and do not succumb to the pressures of the society. People are different, we all grow differently, and we all have our different times.

this is me now and i still look sixteen lol, but seriously how can the society see a grandma, look at it this masterpiece!!!

I am very happy and proud for my fellow friends and age mates, who have found their better-halves and have committed to spend the rest of their lives together which is beautiful thing. Love is a beautiful thing and marriage is a sacred institution. Get me right there is nothing wrong with being married at twenty, twenty-two, or eighteen, and also hear this, there is nothing wrong with being married at thirty or thirty-five, it is a personal decision. The point being that, the society decides for us on many things, even those that are personal that it comes a time where the pressure is unnecessarily too much, for what? I mean, don’t I have a say in this, because I’m the one who is going to spend the rest of my life married, News alert: I do have a say, and therefore I will decide.

In the African society being twenty-eight for instance and not being married worries the aunts and the uncles, they want to take you to the witch doctor to get cleansed because something is definitely wrong with you. There is a picture that recently circulated on social media, captioned , how I look( young and beautiful) and how my relatives see me ( old and tired with grey hair) and it just got me in stitches but it definitely summed up the whole topic. This also reminded me of a book I read in primary school and was kind of confused about how the topic and the story linked, and I definitely looked it up again and realized that the topic simply was ironic. The book is called “ I will marry when I want : Ngugi Wathiong’o, in which one character called Gathoni’s intent was to marry when she wants, which was ironic, she could not really  marry when she wanted because of patriarchal, cultural and societal structures. It is an old book but you can also read it if want and get more insights of an African patriarchal society.

 photo cred: inspired by this text : I will marry when i want (1977) by Ngugi Wathiong'ocaption

The interesting thing here is “I will marry when I want”, and the difference between me and the book is I’m not being ironic, I definitely mean it. Take charge of your life and do not succumb to the societal pressures, it is your life. You only live once, You will marry when you are ready. You hear me? If you are ready at twenty-one do it, if you are at twenty-five do, if you are ready at thirty just do it…

Love to you all, the married, engaged , and yet to be married, do you!!!

#conquer2019

#vision2019

#lifeahappylife