I know its not easy, it used to scare me too ...

THE ART OF SOLITUDE!!!

 “We are in a world where we are connected to everything else except ourselves” unknown

pic cred: .freepik.com/free-photo

Often at times when the word solitude is mentioned, most of us start pooping our pants and running away into the shadows, with squeaks louder than that of mice and total shunning of the topic as much as we ban most of the things we don’t understand. Relax, it’s just “solitude not loneliness, there is a huge difference.

SOLITUDE	LONELINESS
This expresses the glory of being alone	Whilst this expresses the pain of being alone

See the difference here? Embracing solitude has nothing to do with embracing pain. If I catch you again running away from embracing your solitude, I don’t know what I will do to you. I will wear my African mother’s shoes and deal with you accordingly, would you like that? I know you don’t.

Referring to the first statement in italics above, it’s true that we are now living in a world where we are connected to everything else except ourselves. We make sure that we are always connected to the internet, and yes on the basic needs diagram, if you don’t know it it’s a basic scholarly Diagram of needs by one significant scholar Abraham Maslow in the area of basic human needs, I heard Wi-Fi is an added basic need (that took me by surprise at first I mean, Wi-Fi really? From where I come from that’s a luxury, a basic need is food and education, period!!!

 Anyway back to the rest of the “world” world, WIFI is a basic need now), which means it’s a required necessity to survive. Interesting!!! It is that important that some people cannot survive without this need, to connect with the rest of the world and everything else in between. WE ARE CONNECTED TO EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT OURSELVES.

Adopted from : Abraham Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy of needs

Imagine the rate at which your heart skips beats that moment you realise that you don’t have your phone with you, I know exactly the feeling because I have lost about four phones in a period of eleven months, please don’t judge your girl, it happens, trust me it does. The first time I realized that I no longer had my phone on me, I almost had a heart attack, I got into shock and panic at the same time, just imagine that combination and I was in the very middle of the CBD thinking oh my word my phone, for how long will I be disconnected from the world. I felt like it was just the robbing of my world that had happened right there, (don’t worry I’m always extra and dramatic it wasn’t really that bad), but you follow where I am going with this right? If you aren’t, just two more seconds.

I am simply saying we have intoxicated ourselves too much with the belief that if we lose connection with the world and everybody else, that’s the end of us, which is a bit true in a way, however not in its entirety. We need other people to go by and live and enjoy life, but we need to be in love with ourselves the most, in connection with our deeper selves and individuals to then connect with the rest of the world so that we don’t lose our identities in the process. You feel me now?

To achieve this, you need to start appreciating being by yourself at times and mostly embracing this act, embrace solitude, its needed, to detoxify all the perceptions of you that the world or social media has incited into your little pretty brain. I mean we live in world which shapes us in many ways than we can imagine one or two times in a while you need to re-find yourself, it’s a constant process. Just like some people say motivation is temporary; it’s like a bath, that’s why we do it every day. So finding the self is a constant practice which can’t be done only once but so many times in a lifetime, it’s a necessity my friend.

Learn the art of solitude and hear yourself think!!! It’s worth a try, I promise. At first it will be painful, trust me the first time I tried it, it was painful, my mind is the loudest place on earth I would like to think. I struggle to silence the voices, some are just louder than others, because I am an over-thinker in general. Most times I have the whole geometry of what that “are you for real?” statement by my friend or my mother or anyone else said to me in a conversation or argument. You have no idea how much of a thesis I write in my head, I mean philosophies and more, which is rather draining sometimes and one of my weakness.

Find spaces that give you room to listen to yourself, connect deep with you, away from the world's noise. For me its places of nature, parks and reading away from everybody, it helps me a lot in reconnecting with myself now and again... 

But slowly now I’m beginning to master to silence some voices and just hear myself think, whilst I am alone on a coffee date or art gallery visit or the park, it’s refreshing, it’s revitalizing and all the good things. Take time off your busy schedule and just be by yourself and enjoy your company, don’t be scared that it might be boring or such, that’s how we learn.

Just like you learnt the skill of approaching a woman, or a man, or make new friends, do the same, it’s never easy at first but trust me, you will learn a thing or two about you, that will amaze you. You will fall in love with you, through the use of Solitude!!! Just because you are alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely, I said it once I just said it again, so that  it’s hammered in that your-not-so-thick skull of yours.

Always remember to smile, love yourself, and appreciate the person you are, be you because everybody else is taken. Lots of love, xoxo!!!

#conquer2019 #growth #embracesolitude

Even if you came with a label, they were still going to misuse you!

NEWSFLASH: EVEN IF YOU CAME WITH A LABEL, THEY WERE STILL GOING TO ABUSE YOU IF THEY WANTED TO !!! (Christine Matenga)

Hey lovelies, hope you are all well, I am great, just coming to you with a little emotional stretching talk about relationships;these might be friendship, romantic, or any other kind. Just,you are welcome here, relax and enjoy!!!

Anyone who appreciates you, or who wants to do that, just does so and appreciates you just the way you are. You don’t need to have a poster on your chest written instructions of how you deserve respect, care, attention and all the good stuff, anyone who feels the need to do this, they just do it either way.

Often at times we tend to blame ourselves, maybe I wasn’t clear enough from the onset, maybe I didn’t give the right signals, or maybe I deserve the disrespect, No. It’s not you it’s them, Periodt!!!

Do you know how worthy, you are, just how worthy you are. No! I think you didn’t hear the question. I asked, “Do you know just how beautiful, important, relevant, significant, I mean a whole worthy bundle of existence? Yes You! Sometimes it just sounds like a lie, I mean I sometimes feel ugly, unattractive, dumb, and irrelevant like I just don’t deserve the front seat of the show, I need be at the backstage just hiding under the dressing table or something.

But I’m glad most of the time I am feeling confident and just great no matter how insignificant my contributions are sometimes. I’m glad I am finally mastering the art of utter self-confidence. It can be learnt and not easily so but it can definitely be learnt, trust me I have not always been articulate and confident but here I am today. 

You don’t need a label on your forehead written respect me, because even if you did have it , I bet you if they just didn’t want to give it to you they would still come disrespect the hell out of your brains. It’s just how life works. Imagine how many times you’ve seen the “do not “ sign but you just did the thing that was not allowed to be done anywhere, because you just didn’t care or just wanted to prove a point, or just badly wanted to do that thing and violated the order. Yeah, I know you have, just because the consequences were just not detrimental to you or you didn’t care.

pic credit: @KylieGlenn on Unsplash

What I am simply saying is that, until you start appreciating yourself, regardless of how the world sees you, you won’t get the accolades you deserve. I am getting at this: If a person doesn’t want to respect you no matter how hard you try to have it all written all over you, they will just trample on you anyway. Know who deserves your attention, and worth your time. It shows, if somebody treats you like an option, it really shows, they are available on their own time and you always the one putting in a 75% effort sometimes even an 85% and they don’t compromise. You know where I am getting at right? I know you do. No matter how much you care, make it obvious you are into it and available for it, if they just don’t want to give their all, they just won’t.

This is how life works: it’s a bitter truth but most of the times the person at the receiving end of being treated well by the other usually isn’t just a bad person there are a number of factors surrounding their behaviour. Sometimes it could just be this; we meet new people and are excited about the idea of being with them, friends , partners, spouses, but we don’t take time to really get to understand each other, by the time you do , you realize it was just the idea of being close that enticed you and there isn’t really a solid connection there but because you are already in it, you just stay in it. That’s where we get it wrong.

The moment the gum loses the taste and you both feel it, spit it before it starts giving you heartburn, you don’t want none of you being caught in the toxicity of this nature. So no matter how hard you try sometimes, it just isn’t worth it. Leave it before it withers you away and sucks you dry emotionally, because sometimes, well most times, no matter your efforts you just can’t stand the high temperature you are putting yourself under, and your label still says “no high temperatures”, this label is visible through how emotional you get, how compassionate of a person you are, how loving and caring you are and it shows, they know but just because it doesn’t matter to them anyway, they put you under certain pressures you just can’t handle( and its true can’t handle because you are human, don’t act all tough), and sometimes they know they are doing that.

pic credit: @Yunus on Unsplash

Regardless of your strength as a human being and good intentions and good signals you show, some people are not meant for us, they come for a reason and sometimes they teach us lessons, some good and some bad. If you are a good person and communicator, showing them the right codes to enter to access the programming of your heart and mind, they just won’t get it. So don’t blame yourself, look into it and check where the hurt comes from, because it just has to be done that way.

Humans are humans and sometimes we don’t take time to read the instructions on labels, we just use as we see fit and when it’s worn out we just throw the thing away. Know your worth and when to just walk away before you are embarrassingly disposed away, from the friendship, courtship, relationship , or whatever it is that you are having, because no matter how you shout and show your label, just we are not going to read it, because that’s what we do most of the times. We read where we want to and ignore where we just don’t, it’s not the fault of the one with the label, Not rocket Science (But it sure feels like so ) Periodt!

#staywinning #becoming #selflove

Secrets Unraveled ( gems to happiness)

The world is constantly changing and our perspectives as well are moving with the flow. Many a times we are brainwashed and fed to believe some concepts that really have damaged our very own opinions in many ways, I mean once in a while we need to be reminded of the real truths, that are nothing but secrets now because they are buried deep and we don’t really see them as often as the new concepts, new forms of beauty, new perceptions of success, of happiness and a whole lot more.

 We are now living in a fast world that has stolen our real living, we are merely living but running with the wind of technology, money and fame, take a minute from all of it and breathe I want to remind you of these things, you are more than what you have, what you own and how much money you have in your bank account, you are more than just that. Listen here, listen to the following, these are real truths:

It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful, fix the inside more than you do the outside. All it needs is real love and understanding!!!

·         It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful:

We are living in a world that is constantly pursuing perfection, from the way we portray the best side of life, with perfect lives, friendships, relationships, lifestyles and everything our minds are fed to believe that everything should always be perfect and perfect exists. We tend to struggle a lot when things don’t go our way because our minds are being programmed that way, because we are what we constantly feed our souls. 

Perfection doesn’t relate to humanity, we are made to have flaws, we are flawed, it is what makes us beautiful, that flaw is part of our identity, it makes the best parts stand out and shine even brighter. Perfect is a myth, it’s a mirage, it is a hallucination, no one and nothing is perfect. If we get to understand this it makes it easy for us to accept ourselves better and appreciate the best parts of us. Embrace your flaws and be perfectly flawed, it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

·          Hard work is not equal to success :

Yes the statement is correct just as it is, if it was I mean we all could have been rich and wealthy and everything, especially the African folk that works day in and day out very hard to see the next meal. It takes more than just hard work; yes it could make you successful in some ways because the word “success” in its very own way is subjective, so I am not completely dismissing it but it takes determination, financial intelligence, mental toughness, monitoring and evaluating goals and progress, emotional intelligence, consistency, the list is endless, I could one forever, but I think you follow where I am going with this. I know this is a subject of argument and we all have our own story to tell and that’s a very conducive place to learn and grow.

 Hard work “only” just as we like to ignore it has many flaws especially if it consists of long hours, sleep deprivation, physical strain, and distorted social life, this is unhealthy. I would like you to think deeply about this and revise your concept of working hard. However as much as we are believing in smart work, we are not completely ditching ‘hard work”, because it is part of the bigger picture when done right.  So yes, revise your point on it, success consists of a whole entire field of other factors, in case you might be wondering why after all the hard work you remain poor, #laughs.

·         Movement is not progress:

I read it from somewhere and it made so much sense to me , the quote read, “Don’t confuse movement with progress. Just because you do it time and again doesn’t mean you are doing great. Make progress, do not be busy without achieving anything. See progress and make a difference”, need I add more? Really, it’s all been said. We are busy running around day and night, wearing out our once in a lifetime selves, but what difference really have we made? Answer this honestly. Is there a difference between where you where the last couple of years and now, or you just running around the busy world, as busy as it is and following the wind. 

Have you executed that project, and see its impact, have you written that book? Have you built that house or you are chasing sunsets. Think about it. And in the same spirit, do not be discouraged if you see others moving a whole lot and you are moving at a snail pace but making moves, because their drastic movement might not necessarily directly translate to progress. Pay attention, make moves and make a difference. Beware of wasting resources and finding out there was nothing really you did at the end of it all.

·         The secret to having it all, is knowing that you already do:

I recently read post by Esther Kazungu a Kenyan Youtuber saying that we are like cups of tea with sugar that's not yet stirred (thank you Esther for the message it got me thinking), the world might think that you are unsweetened but only because your tea is not stirred, the sugar is already in there but just with the right process you are sweetened. 

The same way you already have it in you and with you, it’s only waiting for the ignition to be hit, press the right buttons and you will see the thing happening, do the thing already, stir us some sugar in your tea, we all waiting for the sweet part. The only thing separating you from your greatness and you actually having it all is that, you don’t know yet that you just aren't stirred not that you don’t have it already, you do.

 

Don't doubt it, you already have it in you!!!

I thought I should just remind you of these few things, because we tend to forget some of these important things in our lives. Take time to reflect time and again, and practice intentionallity, you will see the difference. Always remember you are unique and the world needs you, your talents and your gifts will change someone’s life. So long beauties… Enjoy this life whilst you still have it and remember that it’s the littlest things that matter in life.

#reflections #growth #lifesecrets