Unintentional Murder !!! (I am both a victim and a perpetrator)

Hello everybody, welcome back!!!

Today I am feeling a little bit of some look-good-feel-good effect and I just thought to myself oh, self-consciousness is real. You look at yourself a certain way, you definitely feel a certain way. I am not even wearing anything special, not even any make up just  a regular lipstick and only my regular work uniform. What I did today was tie my hair differently in a high bun that shows off my face and make me look three years younger, especially my little eyes and my striking beauty spot that I am so proud of, (some people used to think I put that dot there with an eye liner, but oh its natural and I think it is cute) of course it is cute because everything about how you look is beautiful, urghh is it? Well…. Hold on a minute, AM I AT IT again? Being in my self-consciousness zone, and awareness, beating myself about trivial matters some of them even perceived not even real. But I just was feeling it right now, who blew my bubble? Follow me and get where I am going with this.

photo credit: @tsitsi-z 

This is exactly the anxiety that comes into your mind when you are in your moment and all feeling yourself and some thoughts come at the back of your mind, saying you are not as pretty as you think, or good as you think, which is inevitable because we are human, but should we allow it live life less? Because unfortunately, this doubt does not only end here, it goes further deep into many aspects of our lives.

 How many times have you self-doubted yourself, even on something you are really great at? How many times have you written an excellent piece of work and never read it to someone else because you thought it was not good enough? How many times have you drawn a beautiful portrait and shoved it into the garage storage box because you thought you are not as good as Z? How many times have you taken a picture of yourself and never posted it in fear of mean comments because you think you got a big forehead, or you are not light enough? And how many times have you been told you are beautiful, you are talented, and you are great but never believed it? The list is endless…

Give yourself just a couple of minutes and look back at whatever that applies to you in context where you doubted yourself, and now you see it was not as bad as you thought anyway? Right? And now tell me how many times did it happen? Now ask yourself, how many months, or years have you wasted in which you could have perfected that skill by now? I don’t know about you but as for me I have lost count, maybe five, six or eight, I could have been one of the best youngest writers around, but what I did I do, I told myself I am not good enough, and where did it get me, NOWHERE!!! So what is the purpose of living then, when self-doubt clouds our vision and robs us of our precious lives? Ponder on it… we are as good as non-existent.

Hey!!! Yes you, stop being the murderer of your own dreams, of your own future, your destiny, just because you do not have confidence in yourself or rather you are too critical of your work. Most of the times we are not successful not because of other people but because we had a great idea and it only remained a great idea just because we criticised ourselves too much and never gave it a chance to go out there and be worked on. We are constantly pursuing perfection that is non-existent so much so that we miss the best moments in life and waste our talents that could touch and change lives. The point is not to pursue perfection, but the pursuit should be for happiness.

Just because you are not confident enough does not mean that you are not good enough. Everybody is unique in their own way, and every talent is a compliment to the other out there which is why we were created individually and talent was never duplicated. You and I can have the same talent, but just because we are two different people then definitely those talents can be targeted at different audiences and places and therefore are going to have two different effects altogether. Bottom line is; there is only one you, and only you can display it best according to the diversity of your own abilities.

Over the years I struggled with self-criticism a whole lot, I always thought yes lady you might have written a thousand pieces but where are they (you tore most of them and stored the little left in your little journals and so what? Yes you got that nice dress and it fits you properly but there is someone else who is curved enough to fit into it way better. No you think you can sing, but A is way better than you, just shut up and stop embarrassing yourself. You think you can deliver speeches in front of these many people, I’m going to disturb your speech you are going to stammer a whole lot, or get choked or you are going to mispronounce this big word and they are all going to laugh at you, and talk behind your back. You are just not good enough young lady, and then I would just draw back and sit there and not deliver rightfully as I should have. This led me to killing many of the opportunities thrown at me which I should have used.

But this year tell yourself and your abilities, ”[………..insert your name here] enough is enough, we are not going to take any of that this year ,we have stalled for long and what did it bring us, NOTHING” Sitting here just criticizing yourself saying you not good enough, doesn’t change anything. It is like standing in the rain, crying that you getting wet whilst you not looking for a shade or an umbrella. You will still get wet my friend and even get sick. Stop being the murderer of your own destiny, of your own talents. Just start now and perfect the skill as you go. Join the movement, grow with me as I try and utilize my talents for the greater good, together we can figure this out!!! Five years from now, you will tell a different story… Free yourself from the bondage of seeking perfection and fly away…

see? I already practiced to fly away like a bird lol!!!

#vision2019 #conquer2019 #beyoutifullyyounique