Letter Series : To the Beautiful Flower that provokes no Allergy

Just because we are reaching to the end of the year, I thought what better way to remind you of just how an amazing person you are. Just like the last post, this is to Self-Love in its deepest sense. Before you get into the New Year cultivate a culture of loving yourself before anyone else, you deserve the love you give out. Take note I have started "The Letter Series" , just in the appreciation of everything we are, want to be and we will be, so stay looking out for these, Im'a throw it your way time and again, because why not?.

                    

Self-Love helps you understand yourself better and how you deal with different situations in your life. In this regard this letter is a cue to how you are the boss of your life and how you can deal with life’s predicaments knowing that you can do anything because you are a powerful being, how about appreciating yourself from right where you are, you might not be nearly as half as you want to be, that is the point, TRUST THE PROCESS.  Let us grow together and push forward the agenda of Good Mental Health starting within ourselves…

pic credit: Christine Matenga

Dear Beautiful Flower …

I do not know where to start really, because before anything else your vibrant beauty blinds my eyes, pierces through my mind and melts my heart. I cannot imagine the artistry your Creator had in mind when He made all these shades of beauty that are so diverse and colorful in an unimaginable way. Let me start by reminding you of how much of a gold beacon of hope you are, because if I dwell too much on your beauty, you will lose plot and think that’s all there is of you, which definitely is a lie.

When I look at you I feel a hope undefined, a hope so profound it dives deep into my soul, and jumpstarts my mind. I see you going through pain and loss, heart break and tears but you drive through this life in a way that pain is familiar with you, regardless you still meet it head on. You pull through nonetheless looking forward to a new day because, there is always tomorrow and you never give up, you should never give up because you were gifted with a heart of gold, and you are the glue that holds everything together. You are a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother and most of all a well-crafted rare species, there is only one kind of you.

I am writing this letter especially to remind you of how worthy you are, how beautiful you are, and how deserving you are. This is directed to you, to remind you of how much your mind has a powerful force towards building the ultimate woman you want to be. Your looks do not matter, because already you were wonderfully crafted as you are standing right there you are a perfect result of a well thought and well-crafted artistry, Woman, you are a MASTERPIECE!

Let me dive deep into your diversified beauty. You come in all shades, all shades of black, all shades of white, all shapes, all heights and everything else beautiful. You don’t need to be perfect to be called beautiful, because perfection is a myth, it doesn’t exist. The next person is not more beautiful than you are because already you are uniquely you and there is only one you. Variety is a necessity and your existence brings this to light.

Dear African woman, the broad nose, the thick lips, the curly hair carries a beauty of its own kind that tells a story untold from the gifts we inherited. Embracing yourself is the gift you will leave your heirs who will tell the story of a strong beautiful beacon of hope called a woman, and it starts with you right now. You are the rare flower that flourished even when the ground drained out its potential. You are the beautiful flower that colors the garden so bright, and paints the world beautiful, and you need not forget it.

Your existence carries a significant part of human existence and your touch soothes the pain of the heart. Be reminded that the world is a better place when you understand how much goodness you were made to bring into the world. Be reminded how so much the next person needs you. Be reminded queens fix each other’s crown quietly. Be reminded you are no better than the next. Be reminded the next generation of powerful women is born by you. Be reminded no woman is an island unto self and to reach to the next level you can do it alone, but can do it better with another woman.

I stand to tell you that asking for help doesn’t portray you as weak; rather it portrays your smartness, that for something solid to be built, there is need for different hands from different angles for a daunting architecture. When you are slowly drowning in your worries and submerging in your sorrows never hesitate to call out so someone can rescue you, you are not alone. Let’s hold hands together in our diversified nature and color the world beautiful.

Love

Fellow Beautiful Flower

#queens #selflove#growthmindset

Lets get social 👇

 Christine Matenga:        Instagram : @chriss_in_it_19

                                        Facebook : @ Matenga D Christine

                                         Blog :  http://chrissinit.blogspot.com

Body Odor please not today, not now not ever !!! : October Self-Care Favorites

Happy New month family, I hope October has been good to you and your mental health as much as it was dramatic and chaotic my side (story for another day), not forgetting way too hot for my liking. Well I am fully African and my melanin shows with its beautiful forever glow, no doubt about that, and its no secret I live in the Southern Hemisphere that is generally warm most of the time if not all the time, but this October was brutal people. I at one point thought my village people were about to send their goblins my way ( not to be superstitious but I mean any Zimbabwean person can confirm this, it was way too hot for my liking).  Now imagine how one's body will hate its owner in such a predicament, obviously and most probably, and this manifests through unpleasant body odors, unfortunately for everybody else's noses except for yours.

Hold that thought, I didn't say I smell or stink or such, before you even start imagining me having these unpleasant smells.Everybody has a natural human scent, but some get to be stronger than others due to many reasons including neglect, which is my point of entrance here. I got myself some favorites that made sure my confidence stayed A1, all well ,all the time. Self-confidence is a major thing, especially when you are a young woman still in the dating game you know, you don't want to smell otherwise lest you attract the things that are associated with bad smells, need I name them one by one? I guess we don't want to go down that lane do we? I digress, let me talk about this once and for all, " Please take care of yourself especially be conscious about how you smell around other people or else, you will make other people extremely uncomfortable. There is no difficult thing as telling the person next to you that they smell like a rotten egg, a dead cat or rotten fish, it is hard guys, it is really hard.

Also there is no uncomfortable feelings such as being around people that are constantly talking about showering better, bad odors and stuff, if you are not complaining about these smells or such, it is probably you who is the source of these bad odors, be warned, don't say I didn't tell you. So please pay attention to your body, because there is no thing that is crippling as not being able to move around or talk around other people simply because you are not confident if you are smelling good or otherwise. This breaks down your confidence, this diminishes your value around other people and is deadly to your mental health. So take care of yourself in that regard hey. You should, You MUST !!!

I am a very conscious being, sensitive and very emotional, I feed off other people's energies and I am a social being, in simple words I am somewhat a social vampire, so I love being around people, talking to them, listening to them as they share their views, share my own, shout and be loud and all that, so I know I in order for me to thrive I should always look and feel and smell my best. I also thrive within my own solitude and to be happy personally I always have to look and smell good a hundred. And by smelling good I don't mean smelling like Gucci or Jadore all the time cause obviously I can't afford, well just not yet. By smelling good I mean Lemon fresh Scent, Pink Diamond Avon Roll on fresh, Nivea deodorant fresh and the likes and definitely no fishy odor allowed.

So to make sure of this, I have myself a stash of self care products that I always gravitate towards so that I am always smelling and looking fresh and keep my confidence at 100% and I would like to share with you. They say if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you relate better with the rest of the world, and I want to also add that this looking good should start inside of you, in your mind, reflecting through your body scent and then going outward to your garments, and then you sorted for the day.

This piece like most of them is dedicated to my fellow young women and also a reminder to the older women as well. If you a man reading this, it is equally important because I am confident you have sisters, girlfriends, wives and the likes and you also want to be a clean woman, you can always play a part in this whole cycle. So thank you, for also playing a part in gifting women in your lives with the items mentioned in this kit, Christmas is coming in a month and for some of us December babies our birthdays, 😜😉😜.

The most important thing most life changing item for me is the menstrual cup that I started using last year (2018),  after working for an organization that championed Sexual Reproductive Health for women, my period experience has never been the same again. The menstrual cup I use is from the Butterfly Cup Company and is a device made up of Silicone Grade Material that has no side effects to your precious vaginal area plus can be used for years before purchasing another. It collects blood instead of the regular absorbing that most other sanitary-ware does, helps with no odor whatsoever becomes it is inserted inside of you and keeps your blood away from oxygen, because its the oxygen that reacts with your blood that causes bad fishy odor, and this is my favorite part, since it collects blood, it reduces the number of days of your flow. 

I mean how amazing is that. No odor, less days, reusable, economic and the most comfortable device ever, you will forget you are on your menses (if you use it well). I was just as skeptic and reserved as you are with so many questions before I tried it, but trust me I am not paid to advertise it, it is life changing to your hygiene as well as mental welfare, not forgetting very friendly to your pocket dollar wise. ( Don't hesitate to hit my DM if you want to know more about this, or rather request for a full post on its own, you are welcome).

Next is my antiperspirant deodorant spray and roll on. I never go a day without this, even the night too which is when it is most useful. If you didn't know,  your antiperspirant spray or roll on, is most effective when applied after the night shower before bed, so that it prevents sweat to come attacking you in full force the next day, plus it helps with one sleeping smelling nice you know. You should not go a day without your roll on, and make sure it is an antiperspirant type, these are easily accessible in most if not all shops nearest to you. If you can't afford one, no problem you can apply bicarbonate of soda or just a regular lemon, on shaved armpits of course. Please get rid of the disgusting yellow bush under there, it is disgusting and smells bad. My favorite go to roll on is Nivea Black and White, and i recently got a brand new favorite" Pink Diamond Roll On" from Avroy Shlain South Africa. It doesn't only regulates the sweat production but also smells nice whilst at it.

The following other three have nothing to do with odor but are my self care favorites ( skin care products) currently that make me stay confident and just generally happy which is key to maintaining and keeping in check my mental health. Firstly my Safeway Body Exfoliating Brush cannot go without being mentioned. This electric Brush has really helped me with my facial skin exfoliating more than anything else and has helped with my skin care routine tremendously. I generally have very sensitive skin and I thought maybe it was going to be harsh but me just being me tried it anyway, and boy was it worth it. I don't have the fairest smoothest skin in the room but my flacky skin has improved noticeably because I use it just once in a week to get rid of the dead skin before applying my Neutrogena Oil Free Gentle Scrub, to gently further do away with the dead disgusting skin. I don't wear make up specifically foundation so I mean the skin has to glow in all its glory and these help me achieve it easily. 

And lastly to moisturize my skin I am currently using my Inuka Tissue Oil which is slightly fragranced and then my regular Aqueous Cream . I don't exactly like the fact that this Tissue Oil has a fragrance because like I mentioned I have very sensitive skin so I barely use it on my face unless if I am removing lipstick from my lips. I mostly use this for my feet, that are generally not so smooth from all the roadside ball-playing (called Raka-Raka and Hwishu for those that know these testify to all the evil we used to do to our poor feet) when I was young. My heels have not loved me at all for doing this to them, but the tissue oil has really helped with softening the skin there.

After all being said, these are just my October favorites and a few I had to mention and you can try them sometime. It is important to note that when you are taking care of your body, you are having a me-time that is well deserved and also getting to know more of what works and what doesn't for you , what more would you want? Take care of yourself, get to know what works for you and do lots of it (also keeping in mind that too much of anything is not good). Self Love is more than just telling yourself that you are beautiful and all that stuff without actually investing in and spoiling yourself. Self-Love is a whole lifestyle, a whole mood that you shouldn't take lightly, a whole mood I live for. 

N.B I didn't mention mouthwashes, toothpaste, body washes and all the little bits because I feel these are obvious, I will end up writing a book. 

Keep loving and once in a while spoiling yourself, you deserve it. Gather the things you love slowly but surely and treat yourself like a queen that you are. Before anyone else comes to treat you like one, own the title and guard your heart and life jealously.  And please, stay fresh and chase away the bad odors, Its hot we want to live in peace and freshness.

Feel free to share what works better for you and we all can learn a thing or two. Let's keep growing together!!!

#selfcare #selflove #growth

Social Media: The Toilet of the internet

A whole lot of a month away

Oh my people, it feels strange to resume posting here after a whole lot of a month away, when I left you starving of the regular posts but i might need to stress out that this was a worthy break off Social Media for a sister's breather , mental health, growth and a whole lot of other good stuff. I didn't necessarily miss writing cause that never has to stop even when I am away from here or any other place it keeps me going, though  I must mention I missed being here, and I finally am back. I hope you missed me too, ya'll know we need to be needed 😉.

I learnt a thing or two whilst I was away from Social Media, first and for most the shocking and rather thought provoking statement that I read somewhere " Social Media has over the years grown to be the Toilet of the Internet,  in essence it is the actual toilet of the Internet" , I found this interesting. We all know what goes down in the toilet  don't we? Do I need to talk about it as is, cause if you dare me, it's my pleasure to remind you, cause that's exactly what I'm excellent at " reminding y'all about everything, lol. I could do that but anyway, I choose to do that another day when I really am in the mood. The first lesson is, Social Media is not at all bad, just like the toilet , it keeps us going, but in that goodness now there is a whole lot of stinky bad that we always remember it for. This is the part I want to talk about today, considering I was away from it, and inevitably like other people I have fallen victim in the addiction it brings with it, and the loud voices it has which led me to the decision of taking a break from it. 

Since January, when I opened this blog,I was focused on promoting this my new baby so that it reaches the targeted audience and whilst at it, I began to use Instagram and Facebook more than I ever did before. Of course I loved it because it connected me to the rest of the world and people that are like minded, with a love for self- development, a drive for growth and positive development and that made me so happy. Slowly but surely I began to spend more time on Instagram and Facebook and before I knew it I was killing time on social media more than I had to.  The notifications, the likes , the conversations and everything surrounding Instagram began to swallow me slowly and as much as I preach about fighting comparison, that's exactly where I ended up going.

I started feeling like a fraud, who talks about fighting something coming out alive whilst doing the exact opposite, I started doubting myself and all the values I had always kept for myself. For sure, it is difficult to be yourself in a world that is constantly clouding you with ideas of who you should be, what life should be, how you should dress, eat , walk and live your life. This ish is real y'all and I can fully relate every now and then, ( well I wasn't expecting this to go this way, but well why not, we will take it where my heart really tells it to, I feel vulnerable but what are we doing when we are talking about life as is , and filter some parts, let's do this).

As the months went by I started feeling like I was doing a whole lot of things so that I could just post, the reading challenge, the water therapy, the exploring, part of the travels and visits to new places , you name it. I started hating all these because they started feeling like a job, like something I was just doing for Instagram, well precisely so because I stopped living for the moment and drifted towards doing it for the likes and always looking for a picture perfect pose, or taking pictures or notes when i should be enjoying the moment, and before I knew it, it started getting out of control. I reached to a point where I told myself this right here has to stop right away, let's nip it in the bud, and I just did it abruptly like that, stopped everything. ( Which I later on learnt I didn't necessarily had to shock myself like that, but at that moment i felt the need, i panicked and felt that it was a necessary evil).

Living like the rest of the world is exhausting,keeping up appearances is exhausting, perfection is exhausting, keeping up as it is is exhausting, routine is, comparison is, all of it is. I was reminded of this saying t:

        " To live in the moment is the only way we can appreciate life to the fullest and be touched by the wonder of each moment" UNKNOWN

I needed this awakening because it is easy to get swallowed especially when you work in the streets of the internet, where you are competing with the rest of the world for attention, to be heard, to be read and to be seen. It is a hustle, but a hustle not worth losing yourself for if your mental health is gold to you. Take it easy, take slower steps, you will do just fine. Biggest Lesson this year. So instead of using the toilet to drop doodles only and use it only for that, let's all make it a pleasant room for everybody else but first for ourselves, let's all use social media with reservations, and don't lose ourselves whilst at it.


It is always to our advantages to regulate our screen time especially for Instagram which has these appealing features, re-directions, one sided-stories and the perfect angles, be aware, stay woke and breathe, take a break, don't lose yourself and thrive through, you always have the control, stay with it. You ever felt some type of way that is just not so good after scrolling down all those appealing pages, a feeling of guilt, comparison, a bit of anger , envy, a bit of sadness, its just some type of a not so good feeling, yeah that feeling,  I felt it at some point and that scared the heck out of my space, it's not a good feeling, a feeling I do not want to feel ever again, please let me know if you've felt like this before. 

I took this with me, we are all humans, and no one is immune to the disadvantages of social media because we thrive on other people's energies because we are made to live as communities and we all need to belong and shine through, whilst at it show off our best sides. It's key to remember that it is almost impossible to be a master of your own thoughts, beliefs and values when we are constantly hit by information that regulates our minds. Everywhere and every time we see, watch, read about routines that are meant to make our lives better, make us more successful, progressive, beautiful, consistent , e.t.c but we are all different, and are made in different ways, do not forget yourself or leave yourself behind, maintain your truth. It is very hard, I know, but just like I did take breaks, reboot, get back into your world and press reset, it is well needed.

One last thing , when you take time to detoxify all the learned behaviors, the information, the displayed best versions of other people's lives and the likes, and stop filming and taking pictures of everything, and just start being in the moment for once, it will equally become addictive to you, you will not feel guilty for not sharing anything and everything because at the end of the day, it is all about you. It is fulfilling to live in the moment knowing fully well that the experience will never be forgotten and forever be part of your life. Live for now, it is your life to live. It is awesome to share, but don't do it at the expense of your sanity. Your Mental Health comes first. 

 #growthmindset #socialmediadetox #yourmentalhealthfirst

I Refuse to go Blind : The world through my eyes

See the world through  my lenses 

See the world through my eyes👀 the world is beautiful! Pain, loss, doubt might be clouding your vision... you might be going through the worst ... meanwhile keep listening to the songs of my voice!!!

Everything  small and beautiful, breathing  in dust and out life, from the ground  to the moon so colorful, Never going blind I choose to see with a sight vigorously powerful...

Everything young and youthful, the secret is sacred, in and out this  life is sunlight and moonlight and yes it doesn't make sense now oh yes I welcome  you to my world and the outside world  see it through my eyes...

The outside world  full  of voices so loud,  to the most beautiful  ones I choose to give attention, to the ones calling  for gratitude, calling to be heard, strands of creativity  in every fibre of my being always choose  to create for giving life and  everything uplifting...  I choose to listen to the one calling  out to throw a little  kindness every time possible, I choose to listen to the most subtle of voices that says yes you've been hurt and yes that doesn't give you the right to hurt others, Everything  small and beautiful , above and beyond, choose love and beyond...

Yes this lens is blurry sometimes, it has drops formed from the dew of the coldest mornings ever, that's the point, squint through  it, well let me help you because that's  my sight so long and rigorous, I seek beauty out of every pain, every hurt, every tear because  it's not only black and  white, to me its never that plain...

Well it's my area of expertise to remind  you  of your undefined strength , I've  walked through  it and I came out alive am I not, well c'mon open your eyes a bit wider, rather share this lens with me, I'm willing to stretch a bit longer resultantly I am flourishing and smiling  a bit harder, isn't it worth it, the world  is brighter. Draw closer, come in rather I have a cushion labeled 'my heart', its warm blood of  care runs through my aorta and through my arteries love travels, through  my expressions I use the conduit of my hands to connect with the rest of the world because  why not, you think love is over-rated, wow have you tried giving it from a place of no anticipation of being given it in return, from a place of unconditionality, from a deep place of pure kindness, draw closer i will be here whenever  you need the warmth  from my touch and the reminder of my words...

I was born for this, yes I don't doubt it's my purpose  to spread light whilst I am endlessly  seeking for it, draw close I will always be here shining  through to no end, yes I was born  for this... let me open my eyes a little bit wider so you  see the way right?

When your eyes are closed, hold me I will tell you stories when your world is dim and too quiet, the world is green, full of love and life see it from this angle draw closer, I will  remind you, you see dryness and death because of  right where you are standing, I've  been there love , I chose to move I chose love, but it's  everyone's  way, I cannot deprive you of this journey  look at me, look at how it made me so strong pass through it, and whilst you do, I will not let you drown...

I will hold your hand and see on your  behalf, I  promise  you there is  no light at the end of the tunnel rather you are the light yourself when you are ripe, don't keep searching  for it I will bring it to you and will help you to wake  it when you heal, meanwhile  listen to my songs of hope...

There's nobody on my side you might be listening  to that loud voice in your head, been there done that, still do sometimes but  I tell you there is everybody you need on your side, let me help you enlighten  that a little bit for you... I see it, I feel it & I know it... choose love, choose peace, choose happiness cause my eyes tell me the world is so BEAUTIFUL...

With love... Always!!!

Christine Matenga Spoken Word Poetry

#choosehope #chooselove #choosegrowth

Lets Grow Together!!!

Real Men Do Cry...

                                                          The beginning

His eyes were puffy and tears were rolling down his cheeks, I swear my heart skipped beat, I had never, never anticipated seeing this day come. He was my hero, the mightiest man I had ever come across in my life and I thought he never felt pain, loss or any kind of predicament for that matter. 

I promise that I never saw him cry, even the day his dear beloved wife left him for good (may your soul rest in peace mama), due to a sudden death, alone in this cruel world with two little girls both below eight years of age I never saw him cry, well at least I think he just didn't let me witness the sad sight. Well actually now I know he did, he cried his life out, aunt told me this the other day, and she felt helpless to see her brother crumble into a ball in sorrow and cried for his never returning wife. I don't even want to imagine it, let alone visualize the sight.

We had taken a walk, like we always did when he was around, my little sister and I followed him everywhere, my father was my everything. As I am writing this, I feel blessed to have seen this day with him. The man that taught me a rare but true lesson about real strength and how a man shows it. I haven't forgotten it ever since that day. It was a very sad kind of meltdown, he was deep in thought when I interjected, "Daddy, why are you crying?"... I could tell he wasn't trying to hide his face , also it showed he was not embarrassed  to show this side of him to me. "... because I am the strongest man alive...", wait a minute ,my little round face dropped, I couldn't work through what he had just said. I got utterly confused: How's crying a sign of strength? Umm how can a grown man cry? What just happened to my hero? I had a million questions dashing through my head. "Did the burnt grass here just do something to his head", well maybe it had , we were walking in a foot path where there were new house stands that were yet to become houses. Had it been now I could have asked," what grade of trash weed are you smoking old man?"😏.

"...Yes my princess I am crying because who says a man can't cry? A real man knows when to allow emotions show, he knows when to just let it all out his chest and just allow himself to feel. A real man acknowledges it when they are their weakest and are man enough to ask for help, to share what they are going through. I am weak right now my baby, I am struggling, but I will get us help, I promise to do things for you that you will always remember me for. Even if I fail to see you through till when you are older, I will make sure I will do you a favor you will only understand when you grow up. (...and he sure did, though I wish he had given me a real formal heads up 😔). Right now you might not understand all of these but one day you will do, and i know you will be just the perfect person to share this. I tell you these things because this is what real men do, they are here to guide and protect you through the truth..." 

To be a real man is not to be non-human, it should be about living and living life in its full capacity emotions and all, to be a real man is not aggression and strength, it's to be about ego-aside asking for help when it's needed, it doesn't make one less of a man, rather all about going through life in all its full capacity !!!

The Lesson

I live to share this bit of my life because my father told me these things. He did not say this verbatim, because he said it in Shona ( my native language), I had to simplify some of the things because they were too many and I was only eight, too young to fully understand most of it. I'm sure I lost most of the teachings but this I will always remember because when he said these words he was in tears. From then on I dedicated myself to listening more and paying attention. I came to know that emotions shown in the right way at the right time are meaningful treasures that ought be appreciated.

These stereotypes are just what they are, stereotypes; real man do not cry, real men are strong and aggressive, real men are not to be helped they find their way, asking for help is a sign of weakness, wow just wow.  If all these are weakness, then I am proud to announce that my father was a coward for crying and showing vulnerability, my father was weak to teach me this way , I am proud to announce that I am available for that "weak " man that is vulnerable, that cries when he reaches rock bottom. I am here for a man that asks for help when he needs it and I am strong enough to give it to him, I am strong for a man that is at his lowest, struggling with anything and everything and has put his ego aside to admit he has hit rock bottom. I am here for it to be that shoulder that he needs, to be there for a brother that has asked for help, for a male friend that is in need. I am here to erase all the stereotypes surrounding the real definition of a man.

Looking back at it, I remember just standing there looking at my father thoroughly in the face listening,my heart sank hearing him and listening to him say all of this, and showing me this side of him. I just knew from then this was one of the strongest man ever in my life, and he sat the bar high,by the way he loved me unconditionally with his life and the way he showed me the existence of a real man who was not afraid to diminish the stereotypes of what a real man is. 

Areal man understands these things: showing yourself feeling pain and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, a real man asks for help when they need it. Just as any other human being they feel, they cry, they show vulnerability and connect better with their loved ones. 

Choose to be a man that doesn't suffer in silence, one that doesn't bury himself in emotions of guilt and failure and defeat inside without even asking for help, one who remembers that as much as his natural role is to be the protector, the provider, the strongest other, he also needs to be actually in a favorable mental state to provide a proper guard in a better position. Do not suffer in silence, seek and ask for help when in actual need.

Dedicated to all men out here doing the most, being present fathers in the lives of their children, to all the man who are strong enough to admit when they are weak, to all men that have been stereotyped for too long and have suffered in silence. I salute you for going through life with heavy souls and teary hearts without anyone to share with in fear of marginalization. To all the men who have had to be both fathers and mothers in their little children's lives without giving up. To all the young men aspiring to be better versions of themselves and working towards breaking these stereotypes. To all the men living, late and yet to be born. (Dedicated to my unborn Son:  Letter for another Day Stay Tuned 😉😉😉 )

Let's Grow Together!!!

#realmenarestrongmenmentally #askforhelp #lifelessons

What is your Love Language?

Did you know that we love differently?  I mean we show, give and receive love very differently as humans.  No I don’t mean language as in English, German, Spanish or Italian, this could be romantic languages to you but right now I’m talking about the “actual” love languages. If you want to be the most romantic guy in the room, give me,” Je t’aime” (French for I love you), but that’s not enough. Let me throw you the gist here. French is not a love language, consider “Words of Affirmation” , and now we are talking.

pic cred: shutterstock.com

I hope I find you well, are you alive? Cause your girl here is alive, and kicking and beautiful, list is endless. Been through this and that but I am in my beast mode, hitting life head on, because yes it’s not beautiful, roses and rainbow but it’s Life and that is what gives meaning to it, it’s beautiful in the most unconventional way, it’s fun.  Now today’s business… Have you ever heard of this thing called “Love Languages’? Do you know your love language? Is there that one special being that speaks your fluent language, man I would like to know #winks#.

You ever been in a situation where you have done everything in your power to show your partner, how much you love them, pretty much everything but they still feel unloved and you feel unappreciated and trust me I know how frustrating this is. It is probably because you are speaking your very own love language to them instead of you speaking their own. In many cases we don’t share the same language with our partner, which might help explain why some relationships are pretty much the  cat and dog relationship kind. Imagine yourself speaking Fluent Mandarin to a Fluent Shona speaker who knows no Mandarin at all. That is conflictual and doesn’t end well. It is therefore important to learn Shona and Mandarin for each of these so that they have a meaningful conversation.

 So we all have different love languages and for you to know yours you have to look back to your childhood, how you received love because that to some extent translates to the way you feel loved as well as give it. You also have to try and remember that very moment someone made you feel so loved, what triggered the love button. You could also go extra and take a love language test online, your choice.  Also remember this fits in every relationship that involves love, not just the romantic type. I am working with the romantic type here because it best explains what I am trying to hit at, especially because these two people end up parting ways or rather divorcing, a thing you can’t do to family unfortunately enough for you, lol.

So a love language is basically that very important action that makes you feel loved, in a younger tongue we say “that thing that tickles your fancy”. The propounder of this theory of Love is a relationship Counsellor called Garry Chapman and he presented that there are basically five languages of love; Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical touch, Quality time and Receiving gifts. 

1.    Words of Affirmation

There are people who feel loved by being complemented on everything that concern them, they feel loved the most when you shower them with complements, and these should be from a place of love, meaningful and not just mere vanity. Take note that these people take a lot of offense from words that are hurting, they are broken by negativity and therefore if you want to make them loved mean what you say, tell them you love them, they are beautiful, they are strong and all the good stuff which they are ,please don’t lie, they can tell, why lie anyway?. Speak fluent “Words of Affirmation”. Don’t just say things just for the sake of it.  Verbal Communication is vital here.

2.    Acts of Service

For these people you actually doing something to help them around is way better than words. This tribe believes in action not words. You could be expressing your love to them through praising them or telling them that you love them, but it won’t work, they want you to give them a hand.  So these thrive on your willingness to help with errands, chores, help them with whatever kind of work they need help with and they will shower you with appreciation. Your maximum effort is greatly appreciated, don’t just do just for the sake of doing it, don’t do that, cause if you do you are speaking Mandarin to a Shona speaker, get that right.

3.    Physical Touch

Announcement Please: Let’s get one thing straight right (this is the time I would say “hanty”) yes right. This love Language is not about bedroom kind of touchy feely, for those who feel loved this way, it’s a genuine holding of hands, kiss on their forehead, cuddling , hanging your arm on their shoulder, carrying them into the air, holding them, touching them just releases oxytocin, which is a love hormone. Not everybody that touches you or wants to be shown love this way is communicating something dirty, please, understand that. A person who speaks this language is surprisingly not touchy feely, rather appreciates hugs  don’t be surprised.

pic cred: taken at the National Art Gallery of Zimbabwe artist's showcase (name not known)

4.    Quality Time

This is one of the most controversial ones, and I think this is one of my languages. What is Quality time, before we even talk of the language itself? This entails that special time set aside for your special one, this to me translates to switching off your phone, which is a bit extreme but necessary in some cases, please stop with the constant checking of your phone, this frustrates me a whole lot, I translate it as “I am boring you” if you are always glued on your phone and all I want is just thirty minutes of your full on time.  I appreciate your hundred per cent; presence if you can’t switch the phone off at least don’t touch it every now and then.

Quality time transcends to even being together watching a movie, reading a book by my side, even in silence, I don’t mind, Just be right there in your whole full human. Many relationships have failed because of this, especially the part where we just chase our lives secure the bag every darn time and not strike a balance between quality time and work, it becomes problematic. You could give your partner every beautiful gift in the world and all they want is your time, not in its quantity form but quality, ( 30 minute of a real conversation and connection is way better than a week of a holiday with a partner that’s on their computer working), I hope you get me clearly. The tribe who understands this language thrive on your ability to set aside time only meant for connection between the both of you. Case Closed.

5.    Receiving Gifts

Just like my fellow people whose love language is “Touch”, these ones are misunderstood equally the same way. Just because they feel loved through being gifts, it doesn’t mean that they are materialistic in our tongue tinobva tati anoda zvinhu (Meaning they are materialistic lover of things, well in other news who doesn’t? I mean I love things myself but i am not talking about me lol, but the real ones that fit in this Tribe) please don’t, just don’t do that. The genuine ones in this category do not value the amount of money you used to buy the gift, for them it’s the thought that count. They feel remembered, existing and important in turn triggering their love button. You could get them flower, write them a letter and frame it, they will greatly appreciate this.

So these are our love languages that are usually misplaced and misunderstood. I imagine the world like that very moment when God chose to invent different languages to stop His people from building a tower to heaven, anyone remember this story? Just imagine the disaster that takes place when you speak a wrong language to someone. So it is important to learn your partner’s language and teach them yours, show them the way. I am glad if you and your partner speak the same language, please value that.

The frustration that exists when you receive the wrong kind of expression of love is real and can cause detrimental effects to a relationship that was meant to be so beautiful. Pay attention and take notes. Also remember that we have the primary language and the secondary one, so learn which one is your major language and discuss with your partner about it for a flourishing relationship.  Unless if your partner is a fictional character that speaks fifty languages and changes forms like the Character Ben 10, then you are in trouble.

I am personally bilingual and if you want to know, talk to me nicely lol, I will share. Be free to share your relationship horror stories as well as beautiful stories as far as how expressing love for each other turned bitter or sweet because of these love languages. Stay loving and open for love, it’s good for your mental Health to always feel loved as well as give the right amount of it.

 XOXOXO

#flourishing #reflections #lifelessons