Real Men Do Cry...

                                                          The beginning

His eyes were puffy and tears were rolling down his cheeks, I swear my heart skipped beat, I had never, never anticipated seeing this day come. He was my hero, the mightiest man I had ever come across in my life and I thought he never felt pain, loss or any kind of predicament for that matter. 

I promise that I never saw him cry, even the day his dear beloved wife left him for good (may your soul rest in peace mama), due to a sudden death, alone in this cruel world with two little girls both below eight years of age I never saw him cry, well at least I think he just didn't let me witness the sad sight. Well actually now I know he did, he cried his life out, aunt told me this the other day, and she felt helpless to see her brother crumble into a ball in sorrow and cried for his never returning wife. I don't even want to imagine it, let alone visualize the sight.

We had taken a walk, like we always did when he was around, my little sister and I followed him everywhere, my father was my everything. As I am writing this, I feel blessed to have seen this day with him. The man that taught me a rare but true lesson about real strength and how a man shows it. I haven't forgotten it ever since that day. It was a very sad kind of meltdown, he was deep in thought when I interjected, "Daddy, why are you crying?"... I could tell he wasn't trying to hide his face , also it showed he was not embarrassed  to show this side of him to me. "... because I am the strongest man alive...", wait a minute ,my little round face dropped, I couldn't work through what he had just said. I got utterly confused: How's crying a sign of strength? Umm how can a grown man cry? What just happened to my hero? I had a million questions dashing through my head. "Did the burnt grass here just do something to his head", well maybe it had , we were walking in a foot path where there were new house stands that were yet to become houses. Had it been now I could have asked," what grade of trash weed are you smoking old man?"😏.

"...Yes my princess I am crying because who says a man can't cry? A real man knows when to allow emotions show, he knows when to just let it all out his chest and just allow himself to feel. A real man acknowledges it when they are their weakest and are man enough to ask for help, to share what they are going through. I am weak right now my baby, I am struggling, but I will get us help, I promise to do things for you that you will always remember me for. Even if I fail to see you through till when you are older, I will make sure I will do you a favor you will only understand when you grow up. (...and he sure did, though I wish he had given me a real formal heads up 😔). Right now you might not understand all of these but one day you will do, and i know you will be just the perfect person to share this. I tell you these things because this is what real men do, they are here to guide and protect you through the truth..." 

To be a real man is not to be non-human, it should be about living and living life in its full capacity emotions and all, to be a real man is not aggression and strength, it's to be about ego-aside asking for help when it's needed, it doesn't make one less of a man, rather all about going through life in all its full capacity !!!

The Lesson

I live to share this bit of my life because my father told me these things. He did not say this verbatim, because he said it in Shona ( my native language), I had to simplify some of the things because they were too many and I was only eight, too young to fully understand most of it. I'm sure I lost most of the teachings but this I will always remember because when he said these words he was in tears. From then on I dedicated myself to listening more and paying attention. I came to know that emotions shown in the right way at the right time are meaningful treasures that ought be appreciated.

These stereotypes are just what they are, stereotypes; real man do not cry, real men are strong and aggressive, real men are not to be helped they find their way, asking for help is a sign of weakness, wow just wow.  If all these are weakness, then I am proud to announce that my father was a coward for crying and showing vulnerability, my father was weak to teach me this way , I am proud to announce that I am available for that "weak " man that is vulnerable, that cries when he reaches rock bottom. I am here for a man that asks for help when he needs it and I am strong enough to give it to him, I am strong for a man that is at his lowest, struggling with anything and everything and has put his ego aside to admit he has hit rock bottom. I am here for it to be that shoulder that he needs, to be there for a brother that has asked for help, for a male friend that is in need. I am here to erase all the stereotypes surrounding the real definition of a man.

Looking back at it, I remember just standing there looking at my father thoroughly in the face listening,my heart sank hearing him and listening to him say all of this, and showing me this side of him. I just knew from then this was one of the strongest man ever in my life, and he sat the bar high,by the way he loved me unconditionally with his life and the way he showed me the existence of a real man who was not afraid to diminish the stereotypes of what a real man is. 

Areal man understands these things: showing yourself feeling pain and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, a real man asks for help when they need it. Just as any other human being they feel, they cry, they show vulnerability and connect better with their loved ones. 

Choose to be a man that doesn't suffer in silence, one that doesn't bury himself in emotions of guilt and failure and defeat inside without even asking for help, one who remembers that as much as his natural role is to be the protector, the provider, the strongest other, he also needs to be actually in a favorable mental state to provide a proper guard in a better position. Do not suffer in silence, seek and ask for help when in actual need.

Dedicated to all men out here doing the most, being present fathers in the lives of their children, to all the man who are strong enough to admit when they are weak, to all men that have been stereotyped for too long and have suffered in silence. I salute you for going through life with heavy souls and teary hearts without anyone to share with in fear of marginalization. To all the men who have had to be both fathers and mothers in their little children's lives without giving up. To all the young men aspiring to be better versions of themselves and working towards breaking these stereotypes. To all the men living, late and yet to be born. (Dedicated to my unborn Son:  Letter for another Day Stay Tuned 😉😉😉 )

Let's Grow Together!!!

#realmenarestrongmenmentally #askforhelp #lifelessons