What is your Love Language?

Did you know that we love differently?  I mean we show, give and receive love very differently as humans.  No I don’t mean language as in English, German, Spanish or Italian, this could be romantic languages to you but right now I’m talking about the “actual” love languages. If you want to be the most romantic guy in the room, give me,” Je t’aime” (French for I love you), but that’s not enough. Let me throw you the gist here. French is not a love language, consider “Words of Affirmation” , and now we are talking.

pic cred: shutterstock.com

I hope I find you well, are you alive? Cause your girl here is alive, and kicking and beautiful, list is endless. Been through this and that but I am in my beast mode, hitting life head on, because yes it’s not beautiful, roses and rainbow but it’s Life and that is what gives meaning to it, it’s beautiful in the most unconventional way, it’s fun.  Now today’s business… Have you ever heard of this thing called “Love Languages’? Do you know your love language? Is there that one special being that speaks your fluent language, man I would like to know #winks#.

You ever been in a situation where you have done everything in your power to show your partner, how much you love them, pretty much everything but they still feel unloved and you feel unappreciated and trust me I know how frustrating this is. It is probably because you are speaking your very own love language to them instead of you speaking their own. In many cases we don’t share the same language with our partner, which might help explain why some relationships are pretty much the  cat and dog relationship kind. Imagine yourself speaking Fluent Mandarin to a Fluent Shona speaker who knows no Mandarin at all. That is conflictual and doesn’t end well. It is therefore important to learn Shona and Mandarin for each of these so that they have a meaningful conversation.

 So we all have different love languages and for you to know yours you have to look back to your childhood, how you received love because that to some extent translates to the way you feel loved as well as give it. You also have to try and remember that very moment someone made you feel so loved, what triggered the love button. You could also go extra and take a love language test online, your choice.  Also remember this fits in every relationship that involves love, not just the romantic type. I am working with the romantic type here because it best explains what I am trying to hit at, especially because these two people end up parting ways or rather divorcing, a thing you can’t do to family unfortunately enough for you, lol.

So a love language is basically that very important action that makes you feel loved, in a younger tongue we say “that thing that tickles your fancy”. The propounder of this theory of Love is a relationship Counsellor called Garry Chapman and he presented that there are basically five languages of love; Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical touch, Quality time and Receiving gifts. 

1.    Words of Affirmation

There are people who feel loved by being complemented on everything that concern them, they feel loved the most when you shower them with complements, and these should be from a place of love, meaningful and not just mere vanity. Take note that these people take a lot of offense from words that are hurting, they are broken by negativity and therefore if you want to make them loved mean what you say, tell them you love them, they are beautiful, they are strong and all the good stuff which they are ,please don’t lie, they can tell, why lie anyway?. Speak fluent “Words of Affirmation”. Don’t just say things just for the sake of it.  Verbal Communication is vital here.

2.    Acts of Service

For these people you actually doing something to help them around is way better than words. This tribe believes in action not words. You could be expressing your love to them through praising them or telling them that you love them, but it won’t work, they want you to give them a hand.  So these thrive on your willingness to help with errands, chores, help them with whatever kind of work they need help with and they will shower you with appreciation. Your maximum effort is greatly appreciated, don’t just do just for the sake of doing it, don’t do that, cause if you do you are speaking Mandarin to a Shona speaker, get that right.

3.    Physical Touch

Announcement Please: Let’s get one thing straight right (this is the time I would say “hanty”) yes right. This love Language is not about bedroom kind of touchy feely, for those who feel loved this way, it’s a genuine holding of hands, kiss on their forehead, cuddling , hanging your arm on their shoulder, carrying them into the air, holding them, touching them just releases oxytocin, which is a love hormone. Not everybody that touches you or wants to be shown love this way is communicating something dirty, please, understand that. A person who speaks this language is surprisingly not touchy feely, rather appreciates hugs  don’t be surprised.

pic cred: taken at the National Art Gallery of Zimbabwe artist's showcase (name not known)

4.    Quality Time

This is one of the most controversial ones, and I think this is one of my languages. What is Quality time, before we even talk of the language itself? This entails that special time set aside for your special one, this to me translates to switching off your phone, which is a bit extreme but necessary in some cases, please stop with the constant checking of your phone, this frustrates me a whole lot, I translate it as “I am boring you” if you are always glued on your phone and all I want is just thirty minutes of your full on time.  I appreciate your hundred per cent; presence if you can’t switch the phone off at least don’t touch it every now and then.

Quality time transcends to even being together watching a movie, reading a book by my side, even in silence, I don’t mind, Just be right there in your whole full human. Many relationships have failed because of this, especially the part where we just chase our lives secure the bag every darn time and not strike a balance between quality time and work, it becomes problematic. You could give your partner every beautiful gift in the world and all they want is your time, not in its quantity form but quality, ( 30 minute of a real conversation and connection is way better than a week of a holiday with a partner that’s on their computer working), I hope you get me clearly. The tribe who understands this language thrive on your ability to set aside time only meant for connection between the both of you. Case Closed.

5.    Receiving Gifts

Just like my fellow people whose love language is “Touch”, these ones are misunderstood equally the same way. Just because they feel loved through being gifts, it doesn’t mean that they are materialistic in our tongue tinobva tati anoda zvinhu (Meaning they are materialistic lover of things, well in other news who doesn’t? I mean I love things myself but i am not talking about me lol, but the real ones that fit in this Tribe) please don’t, just don’t do that. The genuine ones in this category do not value the amount of money you used to buy the gift, for them it’s the thought that count. They feel remembered, existing and important in turn triggering their love button. You could get them flower, write them a letter and frame it, they will greatly appreciate this.

So these are our love languages that are usually misplaced and misunderstood. I imagine the world like that very moment when God chose to invent different languages to stop His people from building a tower to heaven, anyone remember this story? Just imagine the disaster that takes place when you speak a wrong language to someone. So it is important to learn your partner’s language and teach them yours, show them the way. I am glad if you and your partner speak the same language, please value that.

The frustration that exists when you receive the wrong kind of expression of love is real and can cause detrimental effects to a relationship that was meant to be so beautiful. Pay attention and take notes. Also remember that we have the primary language and the secondary one, so learn which one is your major language and discuss with your partner about it for a flourishing relationship.  Unless if your partner is a fictional character that speaks fifty languages and changes forms like the Character Ben 10, then you are in trouble.

I am personally bilingual and if you want to know, talk to me nicely lol, I will share. Be free to share your relationship horror stories as well as beautiful stories as far as how expressing love for each other turned bitter or sweet because of these love languages. Stay loving and open for love, it’s good for your mental Health to always feel loved as well as give the right amount of it.

 XOXOXO

#flourishing #reflections #lifelessons