I Refuse to go Blind : The world through my eyes

See the world through  my lenses 

See the world through my eyes👀 the world is beautiful! Pain, loss, doubt might be clouding your vision... you might be going through the worst ... meanwhile keep listening to the songs of my voice!!!

Everything  small and beautiful, breathing  in dust and out life, from the ground  to the moon so colorful, Never going blind I choose to see with a sight vigorously powerful...

Everything young and youthful, the secret is sacred, in and out this  life is sunlight and moonlight and yes it doesn't make sense now oh yes I welcome  you to my world and the outside world  see it through my eyes...

The outside world  full  of voices so loud,  to the most beautiful  ones I choose to give attention, to the ones calling  for gratitude, calling to be heard, strands of creativity  in every fibre of my being always choose  to create for giving life and  everything uplifting...  I choose to listen to the one calling  out to throw a little  kindness every time possible, I choose to listen to the most subtle of voices that says yes you've been hurt and yes that doesn't give you the right to hurt others, Everything  small and beautiful , above and beyond, choose love and beyond...

Yes this lens is blurry sometimes, it has drops formed from the dew of the coldest mornings ever, that's the point, squint through  it, well let me help you because that's  my sight so long and rigorous, I seek beauty out of every pain, every hurt, every tear because  it's not only black and  white, to me its never that plain...

Well it's my area of expertise to remind  you  of your undefined strength , I've  walked through  it and I came out alive am I not, well c'mon open your eyes a bit wider, rather share this lens with me, I'm willing to stretch a bit longer resultantly I am flourishing and smiling  a bit harder, isn't it worth it, the world  is brighter. Draw closer, come in rather I have a cushion labeled 'my heart', its warm blood of  care runs through my aorta and through my arteries love travels, through  my expressions I use the conduit of my hands to connect with the rest of the world because  why not, you think love is over-rated, wow have you tried giving it from a place of no anticipation of being given it in return, from a place of unconditionality, from a deep place of pure kindness, draw closer i will be here whenever  you need the warmth  from my touch and the reminder of my words...

I was born for this, yes I don't doubt it's my purpose  to spread light whilst I am endlessly  seeking for it, draw close I will always be here shining  through to no end, yes I was born  for this... let me open my eyes a little bit wider so you  see the way right?

When your eyes are closed, hold me I will tell you stories when your world is dim and too quiet, the world is green, full of love and life see it from this angle draw closer, I will  remind you, you see dryness and death because of  right where you are standing, I've  been there love , I chose to move I chose love, but it's  everyone's  way, I cannot deprive you of this journey  look at me, look at how it made me so strong pass through it, and whilst you do, I will not let you drown...

I will hold your hand and see on your  behalf, I  promise  you there is  no light at the end of the tunnel rather you are the light yourself when you are ripe, don't keep searching  for it I will bring it to you and will help you to wake  it when you heal, meanwhile  listen to my songs of hope...

There's nobody on my side you might be listening  to that loud voice in your head, been there done that, still do sometimes but  I tell you there is everybody you need on your side, let me help you enlighten  that a little bit for you... I see it, I feel it & I know it... choose love, choose peace, choose happiness cause my eyes tell me the world is so BEAUTIFUL...

With love... Always!!!

Christine Matenga Spoken Word Poetry

#choosehope #chooselove #choosegrowth

Lets Grow Together!!!

Real Men Do Cry...

                                                          The beginning

His eyes were puffy and tears were rolling down his cheeks, I swear my heart skipped beat, I had never, never anticipated seeing this day come. He was my hero, the mightiest man I had ever come across in my life and I thought he never felt pain, loss or any kind of predicament for that matter. 

I promise that I never saw him cry, even the day his dear beloved wife left him for good (may your soul rest in peace mama), due to a sudden death, alone in this cruel world with two little girls both below eight years of age I never saw him cry, well at least I think he just didn't let me witness the sad sight. Well actually now I know he did, he cried his life out, aunt told me this the other day, and she felt helpless to see her brother crumble into a ball in sorrow and cried for his never returning wife. I don't even want to imagine it, let alone visualize the sight.

We had taken a walk, like we always did when he was around, my little sister and I followed him everywhere, my father was my everything. As I am writing this, I feel blessed to have seen this day with him. The man that taught me a rare but true lesson about real strength and how a man shows it. I haven't forgotten it ever since that day. It was a very sad kind of meltdown, he was deep in thought when I interjected, "Daddy, why are you crying?"... I could tell he wasn't trying to hide his face , also it showed he was not embarrassed  to show this side of him to me. "... because I am the strongest man alive...", wait a minute ,my little round face dropped, I couldn't work through what he had just said. I got utterly confused: How's crying a sign of strength? Umm how can a grown man cry? What just happened to my hero? I had a million questions dashing through my head. "Did the burnt grass here just do something to his head", well maybe it had , we were walking in a foot path where there were new house stands that were yet to become houses. Had it been now I could have asked," what grade of trash weed are you smoking old man?"😏.

"...Yes my princess I am crying because who says a man can't cry? A real man knows when to allow emotions show, he knows when to just let it all out his chest and just allow himself to feel. A real man acknowledges it when they are their weakest and are man enough to ask for help, to share what they are going through. I am weak right now my baby, I am struggling, but I will get us help, I promise to do things for you that you will always remember me for. Even if I fail to see you through till when you are older, I will make sure I will do you a favor you will only understand when you grow up. (...and he sure did, though I wish he had given me a real formal heads up 😔). Right now you might not understand all of these but one day you will do, and i know you will be just the perfect person to share this. I tell you these things because this is what real men do, they are here to guide and protect you through the truth..." 

To be a real man is not to be non-human, it should be about living and living life in its full capacity emotions and all, to be a real man is not aggression and strength, it's to be about ego-aside asking for help when it's needed, it doesn't make one less of a man, rather all about going through life in all its full capacity !!!

The Lesson

I live to share this bit of my life because my father told me these things. He did not say this verbatim, because he said it in Shona ( my native language), I had to simplify some of the things because they were too many and I was only eight, too young to fully understand most of it. I'm sure I lost most of the teachings but this I will always remember because when he said these words he was in tears. From then on I dedicated myself to listening more and paying attention. I came to know that emotions shown in the right way at the right time are meaningful treasures that ought be appreciated.

These stereotypes are just what they are, stereotypes; real man do not cry, real men are strong and aggressive, real men are not to be helped they find their way, asking for help is a sign of weakness, wow just wow.  If all these are weakness, then I am proud to announce that my father was a coward for crying and showing vulnerability, my father was weak to teach me this way , I am proud to announce that I am available for that "weak " man that is vulnerable, that cries when he reaches rock bottom. I am here for a man that asks for help when he needs it and I am strong enough to give it to him, I am strong for a man that is at his lowest, struggling with anything and everything and has put his ego aside to admit he has hit rock bottom. I am here for it to be that shoulder that he needs, to be there for a brother that has asked for help, for a male friend that is in need. I am here to erase all the stereotypes surrounding the real definition of a man.

Looking back at it, I remember just standing there looking at my father thoroughly in the face listening,my heart sank hearing him and listening to him say all of this, and showing me this side of him. I just knew from then this was one of the strongest man ever in my life, and he sat the bar high,by the way he loved me unconditionally with his life and the way he showed me the existence of a real man who was not afraid to diminish the stereotypes of what a real man is. 

Areal man understands these things: showing yourself feeling pain and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, a real man asks for help when they need it. Just as any other human being they feel, they cry, they show vulnerability and connect better with their loved ones. 

Choose to be a man that doesn't suffer in silence, one that doesn't bury himself in emotions of guilt and failure and defeat inside without even asking for help, one who remembers that as much as his natural role is to be the protector, the provider, the strongest other, he also needs to be actually in a favorable mental state to provide a proper guard in a better position. Do not suffer in silence, seek and ask for help when in actual need.

Dedicated to all men out here doing the most, being present fathers in the lives of their children, to all the man who are strong enough to admit when they are weak, to all men that have been stereotyped for too long and have suffered in silence. I salute you for going through life with heavy souls and teary hearts without anyone to share with in fear of marginalization. To all the men who have had to be both fathers and mothers in their little children's lives without giving up. To all the young men aspiring to be better versions of themselves and working towards breaking these stereotypes. To all the men living, late and yet to be born. (Dedicated to my unborn Son:  Letter for another Day Stay Tuned 😉😉😉 )

Let's Grow Together!!!

#realmenarestrongmenmentally #askforhelp #lifelessons

What is your Love Language?

Did you know that we love differently?  I mean we show, give and receive love very differently as humans.  No I don’t mean language as in English, German, Spanish or Italian, this could be romantic languages to you but right now I’m talking about the “actual” love languages. If you want to be the most romantic guy in the room, give me,” Je t’aime” (French for I love you), but that’s not enough. Let me throw you the gist here. French is not a love language, consider “Words of Affirmation” , and now we are talking.

pic cred: shutterstock.com

I hope I find you well, are you alive? Cause your girl here is alive, and kicking and beautiful, list is endless. Been through this and that but I am in my beast mode, hitting life head on, because yes it’s not beautiful, roses and rainbow but it’s Life and that is what gives meaning to it, it’s beautiful in the most unconventional way, it’s fun.  Now today’s business… Have you ever heard of this thing called “Love Languages’? Do you know your love language? Is there that one special being that speaks your fluent language, man I would like to know #winks#.

You ever been in a situation where you have done everything in your power to show your partner, how much you love them, pretty much everything but they still feel unloved and you feel unappreciated and trust me I know how frustrating this is. It is probably because you are speaking your very own love language to them instead of you speaking their own. In many cases we don’t share the same language with our partner, which might help explain why some relationships are pretty much the  cat and dog relationship kind. Imagine yourself speaking Fluent Mandarin to a Fluent Shona speaker who knows no Mandarin at all. That is conflictual and doesn’t end well. It is therefore important to learn Shona and Mandarin for each of these so that they have a meaningful conversation.

 So we all have different love languages and for you to know yours you have to look back to your childhood, how you received love because that to some extent translates to the way you feel loved as well as give it. You also have to try and remember that very moment someone made you feel so loved, what triggered the love button. You could also go extra and take a love language test online, your choice.  Also remember this fits in every relationship that involves love, not just the romantic type. I am working with the romantic type here because it best explains what I am trying to hit at, especially because these two people end up parting ways or rather divorcing, a thing you can’t do to family unfortunately enough for you, lol.

So a love language is basically that very important action that makes you feel loved, in a younger tongue we say “that thing that tickles your fancy”. The propounder of this theory of Love is a relationship Counsellor called Garry Chapman and he presented that there are basically five languages of love; Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical touch, Quality time and Receiving gifts. 

1.    Words of Affirmation

There are people who feel loved by being complemented on everything that concern them, they feel loved the most when you shower them with complements, and these should be from a place of love, meaningful and not just mere vanity. Take note that these people take a lot of offense from words that are hurting, they are broken by negativity and therefore if you want to make them loved mean what you say, tell them you love them, they are beautiful, they are strong and all the good stuff which they are ,please don’t lie, they can tell, why lie anyway?. Speak fluent “Words of Affirmation”. Don’t just say things just for the sake of it.  Verbal Communication is vital here.

2.    Acts of Service

For these people you actually doing something to help them around is way better than words. This tribe believes in action not words. You could be expressing your love to them through praising them or telling them that you love them, but it won’t work, they want you to give them a hand.  So these thrive on your willingness to help with errands, chores, help them with whatever kind of work they need help with and they will shower you with appreciation. Your maximum effort is greatly appreciated, don’t just do just for the sake of doing it, don’t do that, cause if you do you are speaking Mandarin to a Shona speaker, get that right.

3.    Physical Touch

Announcement Please: Let’s get one thing straight right (this is the time I would say “hanty”) yes right. This love Language is not about bedroom kind of touchy feely, for those who feel loved this way, it’s a genuine holding of hands, kiss on their forehead, cuddling , hanging your arm on their shoulder, carrying them into the air, holding them, touching them just releases oxytocin, which is a love hormone. Not everybody that touches you or wants to be shown love this way is communicating something dirty, please, understand that. A person who speaks this language is surprisingly not touchy feely, rather appreciates hugs  don’t be surprised.

pic cred: taken at the National Art Gallery of Zimbabwe artist's showcase (name not known)

4.    Quality Time

This is one of the most controversial ones, and I think this is one of my languages. What is Quality time, before we even talk of the language itself? This entails that special time set aside for your special one, this to me translates to switching off your phone, which is a bit extreme but necessary in some cases, please stop with the constant checking of your phone, this frustrates me a whole lot, I translate it as “I am boring you” if you are always glued on your phone and all I want is just thirty minutes of your full on time.  I appreciate your hundred per cent; presence if you can’t switch the phone off at least don’t touch it every now and then.

Quality time transcends to even being together watching a movie, reading a book by my side, even in silence, I don’t mind, Just be right there in your whole full human. Many relationships have failed because of this, especially the part where we just chase our lives secure the bag every darn time and not strike a balance between quality time and work, it becomes problematic. You could give your partner every beautiful gift in the world and all they want is your time, not in its quantity form but quality, ( 30 minute of a real conversation and connection is way better than a week of a holiday with a partner that’s on their computer working), I hope you get me clearly. The tribe who understands this language thrive on your ability to set aside time only meant for connection between the both of you. Case Closed.

5.    Receiving Gifts

Just like my fellow people whose love language is “Touch”, these ones are misunderstood equally the same way. Just because they feel loved through being gifts, it doesn’t mean that they are materialistic in our tongue tinobva tati anoda zvinhu (Meaning they are materialistic lover of things, well in other news who doesn’t? I mean I love things myself but i am not talking about me lol, but the real ones that fit in this Tribe) please don’t, just don’t do that. The genuine ones in this category do not value the amount of money you used to buy the gift, for them it’s the thought that count. They feel remembered, existing and important in turn triggering their love button. You could get them flower, write them a letter and frame it, they will greatly appreciate this.

So these are our love languages that are usually misplaced and misunderstood. I imagine the world like that very moment when God chose to invent different languages to stop His people from building a tower to heaven, anyone remember this story? Just imagine the disaster that takes place when you speak a wrong language to someone. So it is important to learn your partner’s language and teach them yours, show them the way. I am glad if you and your partner speak the same language, please value that.

The frustration that exists when you receive the wrong kind of expression of love is real and can cause detrimental effects to a relationship that was meant to be so beautiful. Pay attention and take notes. Also remember that we have the primary language and the secondary one, so learn which one is your major language and discuss with your partner about it for a flourishing relationship.  Unless if your partner is a fictional character that speaks fifty languages and changes forms like the Character Ben 10, then you are in trouble.

I am personally bilingual and if you want to know, talk to me nicely lol, I will share. Be free to share your relationship horror stories as well as beautiful stories as far as how expressing love for each other turned bitter or sweet because of these love languages. Stay loving and open for love, it’s good for your mental Health to always feel loved as well as give the right amount of it.

 XOXOXO

#flourishing #reflections #lifelessons