What Love Is Not...

In the beautiful month of love that we are… yes I am going to talk about love #laughs. I mean we all know this topic is exhausted it is literally screaming for help, it’s under depression from all of us talking about it, lying about it and defaming its character but oh I can’t help it, I’m just going to help murder it too by talking about it, I mean I feel it every day, (shout out to all those special loved ones in our lives , yeah I see the smiles)….Anyway I’m here not to talk about love in its wholesomeness but I want to talk about the misconceptions about love, what love is “not”, so we all go together from this onset. Love is forever existent in our lives, one thing I’m glad is never running extinct, we might not understand it that much, but I bet you it never runs dry, it is an overflowing hot spring.

Often a times we misuse the word love to fulfill our self-interests, to get whatever we want from whoever, sometimes we totally are just infatuated and pronounce it “love”, sometimes we really feel but never really don’t know how to act when we receive it because we don’t know it and a whole lot of issues, but have we really taken into consideration of the things that shape our perception of love itself.  Our minds are inevitably shaped by what we feed them and what we are exposed to. And because we are developing with our technology, what better way to shape our minds if not utilizing the media, the giant in the room yes the biggest culprits; the internet and TV. These in many ways than one have shaped our conception about almost everything and how could it be possible to leave out love, no ways.

Let me explain it to you the best way I know it, from experience. As I was growing up I read a lot about romance in the tiny books I always had in my hands, and the biggest culprit being “Mills & Boons”, these big M’s stole my reality #laughs, they literally took my reality of love and murdered it and buried deep within the earth’s mantle  it probably melted after being murdered, thank goodness I had an encounter with a real boy and oh did hell break loose, I started learning from zero what reality was real quick through the experience of a real heartbreak, with zero returns or hopes of my night in shining armor coming to destroy the heck out of my heart-breaker. I didn’t wake up the next day with a hundred apology letters in my letter box, or a ginormous bouquet of flowers and a cute letter apologizing, the hit was real, it was a blow, and I figured this is really how the world works, I felt betrayed. I had known all my life that love was just that, bliss and roses and nothing else, if he ever breaks your heart , you always find yourselves together and have a happily ever after. Nooooo!!!That is definitely not, love is definitely not that… It is something else, it is on its own level and we have done a really god job in making it what it is not, like I said we murdered it, you murderer, are you not ashamed?

Things that love is not: 

1.       Giving way too much time, resources, and your life basically to please or keep someone. If you find someone that makes you do that, RUN!!!!Or if you are someone who expects these from someone, hey you are toxic!!!  Nobody owes you anything, you love yourself first before being loved by someone, nobody owes you your happiness, rather you find it yourself and enjoy it with someone else, and it’s always lovely to share. LOVE DOES NOT TAKE, RATHER IT GIVES,ITS NOT SELFISH!!!

2.       Always agreeing in everything, the same mind, the same concepts, I mean both of you have identical opinions, hell no, if I am in a relationship with you and you agree with everything I say or do, something is wrong somewhere, either I am abusing you or you are lying and not being a hundred per cent real with me, (P.S my mind is everything good and bad, so if you agree to every teeny-weeny bit of it, mmm please get out!!!) We are all different people and have different opinions altogether, we might agree on most things, but we definitely see things differently, just because you love grey and I hate it (probably because I think it’s just bleeh and looks like a prison wall, and I love yellow and you hate it because you think it is too loud) this doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other, you know this is the simplest example right, there are more serious or even little things we disagree on but we are still compatible. So just because you are always disagreeing it doesn’t mean something is wrong, actually something becomes wrong if your way of dealing with that conflict or clash is violent or leads to a toxic relationship.  You can still disagree and fight like Tom and Jerry but still miss each other so much and you know that when the other is not there, you are incomplete (On this also remember I am not saying you are a half person without your other, NO, I mean you are a one whole full individual as your own and the other person is a one whole that first perfectly with your wholeness). LOVE ACCEPTS DIVERSITY AND GIVES EARS TO LISTEN AND TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE NEXT PERSON!!!

3.       Without the other you cannot function, financially, socially, emotionally, oh oh!!! This is one recipe for disaster especially financially and socially. Imagine the other        losing their life and you were depended on them even though both of you provided whatever percentage of your finances, just because you were more dependent on them and  you weren’t able to completely sustain yourself without them, the end is tragic. You are two separate people who have two different lives although you share one thing, “a mutual”, feeling, dependency is not love especially when it comes to the part of friends. His friends are his, you are not forced to automatically become friends, if you click right away that’s fine but if you don’t, don’t force it, you already have enough drama with family, there always is in every family, if yours doesn’t have then oh, that’s great, but I know we all have enough drama in our lives, no need to compete with the friends and see who is liked the most by your Partner. LOVE IS FREEDOM TO CHOOSE, FREEDOM TO LIVE, AND FREEDOM TO INDIVIDUALITY; IT DEFINES YOU AS YOUR OWN PERSON!!!

4.       There is only one “the one” for you, if you miss them then you are doomed, you missed the bus man, just stake a long lonely walk to your destination or rather substitute the bus with a cart, after all do you have any choice. This is one thing I call a misconception, it does not work like that, whoever started this the one is only one person thing kills the vibe man, how many people are out here? Billions! And you mean there is one person who is capable to love you just the one way you were loved and if you miss them that’s the end of you. Think about it. The one is the person you connect with on a deeper level and it doesn’t have to be a hundred per cent kind of relationship but you know you connect. There isn’t only one person who can do that, contrary to popular belief that love is rare now, and true love is scarce to find, where are you looking for this love, the mountains? No wonder why it’s rare in your eyes #laughs, it’s right under your nose, look closely pay attention. Just because the person you think was the one turned out not to be or they passed way or such, it doesn’t mean they were the only one, there are many people who can love you just right if you stop comparing them to the one you thought was the one, open up and let that new person be their own person and appreciate for who they are. LOVE IS EVERYWHERE, IT GIVES SECOND CHANCE!!!

5.       The way you feel about someone generally determines the love you have for them. Hell no love is not a feeling, love is a decision. Imagine the way you feel when that one person you love so much hurts you and I am talking when they do because of their recklessness or indecisiveness or such think about the things that come into your mind, you want to reap them apart and throw them out or such, but in most cases you choose to let them stay, why is that, because you chose it, it is based on a decision, it might not make sense but look deep into it. Because feelings change every other time based on different things if you are hungry or such they seize to define a relationship that stays for five decades. Love is a choice, is an act of will, you actually decide to love and give it a chance. Revisit the kind of love you have, because if you do only based on feelings, then it’s nothing, but only runs on the surfaces. LOVE IS A DECISION!!!

I will leave it here for today, so you can process this and let me know how you see love…Let Love Live within all of us, I mean REAL LOVE!!! Rethink what you mean, when you say “I LOVE YOU”, because there is a possibility you might be meaning something else other than the actual four letter word “L.O.V.E”.

#monthoflove #LOVE #loveliveshere