I know its not easy, it used to scare me too ...

THE ART OF SOLITUDE!!!

 “We are in a world where we are connected to everything else except ourselves” unknown

pic cred: .freepik.com/free-photo

Often at times when the word solitude is mentioned, most of us start pooping our pants and running away into the shadows, with squeaks louder than that of mice and total shunning of the topic as much as we ban most of the things we don’t understand. Relax, it’s just “solitude not loneliness, there is a huge difference.

SOLITUDE	LONELINESS
This expresses the glory of being alone	Whilst this expresses the pain of being alone

See the difference here? Embracing solitude has nothing to do with embracing pain. If I catch you again running away from embracing your solitude, I don’t know what I will do to you. I will wear my African mother’s shoes and deal with you accordingly, would you like that? I know you don’t.

Referring to the first statement in italics above, it’s true that we are now living in a world where we are connected to everything else except ourselves. We make sure that we are always connected to the internet, and yes on the basic needs diagram, if you don’t know it it’s a basic scholarly Diagram of needs by one significant scholar Abraham Maslow in the area of basic human needs, I heard Wi-Fi is an added basic need (that took me by surprise at first I mean, Wi-Fi really? From where I come from that’s a luxury, a basic need is food and education, period!!!

 Anyway back to the rest of the “world” world, WIFI is a basic need now), which means it’s a required necessity to survive. Interesting!!! It is that important that some people cannot survive without this need, to connect with the rest of the world and everything else in between. WE ARE CONNECTED TO EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT OURSELVES.

Adopted from : Abraham Maslow's pyramid of hierarchy of needs

Imagine the rate at which your heart skips beats that moment you realise that you don’t have your phone with you, I know exactly the feeling because I have lost about four phones in a period of eleven months, please don’t judge your girl, it happens, trust me it does. The first time I realized that I no longer had my phone on me, I almost had a heart attack, I got into shock and panic at the same time, just imagine that combination and I was in the very middle of the CBD thinking oh my word my phone, for how long will I be disconnected from the world. I felt like it was just the robbing of my world that had happened right there, (don’t worry I’m always extra and dramatic it wasn’t really that bad), but you follow where I am going with this right? If you aren’t, just two more seconds.

I am simply saying we have intoxicated ourselves too much with the belief that if we lose connection with the world and everybody else, that’s the end of us, which is a bit true in a way, however not in its entirety. We need other people to go by and live and enjoy life, but we need to be in love with ourselves the most, in connection with our deeper selves and individuals to then connect with the rest of the world so that we don’t lose our identities in the process. You feel me now?

To achieve this, you need to start appreciating being by yourself at times and mostly embracing this act, embrace solitude, its needed, to detoxify all the perceptions of you that the world or social media has incited into your little pretty brain. I mean we live in world which shapes us in many ways than we can imagine one or two times in a while you need to re-find yourself, it’s a constant process. Just like some people say motivation is temporary; it’s like a bath, that’s why we do it every day. So finding the self is a constant practice which can’t be done only once but so many times in a lifetime, it’s a necessity my friend.

Learn the art of solitude and hear yourself think!!! It’s worth a try, I promise. At first it will be painful, trust me the first time I tried it, it was painful, my mind is the loudest place on earth I would like to think. I struggle to silence the voices, some are just louder than others, because I am an over-thinker in general. Most times I have the whole geometry of what that “are you for real?” statement by my friend or my mother or anyone else said to me in a conversation or argument. You have no idea how much of a thesis I write in my head, I mean philosophies and more, which is rather draining sometimes and one of my weakness.

Find spaces that give you room to listen to yourself, connect deep with you, away from the world's noise. For me its places of nature, parks and reading away from everybody, it helps me a lot in reconnecting with myself now and again... 

But slowly now I’m beginning to master to silence some voices and just hear myself think, whilst I am alone on a coffee date or art gallery visit or the park, it’s refreshing, it’s revitalizing and all the good things. Take time off your busy schedule and just be by yourself and enjoy your company, don’t be scared that it might be boring or such, that’s how we learn.

Just like you learnt the skill of approaching a woman, or a man, or make new friends, do the same, it’s never easy at first but trust me, you will learn a thing or two about you, that will amaze you. You will fall in love with you, through the use of Solitude!!! Just because you are alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely, I said it once I just said it again, so that  it’s hammered in that your-not-so-thick skull of yours.

Always remember to smile, love yourself, and appreciate the person you are, be you because everybody else is taken. Lots of love, xoxo!!!

#conquer2019 #growth #embracesolitude