Look at Me now!!!

LOOK AT ME NOW

My beautiful people, the real MVPs, the ones who are with me just now on my take off, before I am a household name ( and yes we are going places, trust me we are) , you are the real ones. I just want to take this time to extend my gratitude to you, the comments and sharing of the link and the referrals and everything, lots of love.

Today I am talking about something so deep and dear to me. Today, almost twenty years ago (11^th of March 2000) I lost my biological mother, she passed away before I even turned eight years of age, three years down the line I also lost my father, way before I even started my high school. I must tell you I wasn’t really aware of my loss, I thought they had gone to some far-away place, where they will come back, I thought it was temporary. I’m sure to the rest of the world it was a sad event:  poor little girl left with no-one else, no one to call mother or father, no one to see her start high school, no one to celebrate her twenty-first birthday, no one to send her off to university, and definitely no one to see her graduate at university.

Guess what? Life had other plans, I got myself the most beautiful, loving and caring second mother. There was one point in life where I was so conflicted, I doubted my paternity, I doubted that my very first parents were really my parents, #laughs. Might I tell you why? My second mother loved me unconditionally, I lacked nothing, I had everything a girl wanted. We were not exactly rich but we had everything, love, family, food, friends, church, a nice house and most of all life. I remember one day I decided enough of this conflict, I went to my mother and I asked, “Are you sure you not my birth mother?”, she was shook, obviously anybody who could have heard me ask this could be shook too. She asked, “What do you mean, girl?” I told her, “…the way you love me is amazing, it shocks me every day that I did not come out of you.

It shocks me every day of my life that someone can love a child this much without being the birth mother, are you sure when I was born you just didn’t give the first woman( meaning my biological mother) me so that she could take care of me, I mean maybe she couldn’t have kids of her own..” My second mother just laughed and all she said was, …”ende unopenga…”(meaning you are one crazy girl…). She had tears in her eyes, I don’t know why but I know whatever I said touched her and/or reminded her of the loss of her brother and his wife. Might I just tell you that this second mother of mine is my father’s sister which makes her my aunt, but my mind just decided to see her as my mother. This could be confusing to some but if you are African aunt means a lot of things, it doesn’t mean that the person is your mother’s sister, (African dynamics; story for another day).

 To cut the story short I found my mother in my father’s sister, my very own good loving and amazing mother.I am very grateful for the events that unfolded in my life. I strongly believe now that had it not been the greatest loses I faced in my life, I could have not developed enough to be the woman I am today. Today I walk with my head held up so high, with so much confidence and a rich life, filled with love embedded in my heart which I learnt from the woman I call my mother. In this month of celebrating women , some are only aspiring to be the bold women and aspiring to bear them and raise them, and there is my mama, not aspiring but looking at what she did, she literally bore me, and raised me and she is the woman only other young women wish to be in future. That is exactly the woman she raised me to be, and I in turn promise to bear that kind of a woman, to raise her and to stay her.

I am very confident right now, and this I know that had it not been what I went through in life, I could be a different person right now. I could have been a person who doesn’t value family, who doesn’t care about other people, I could have been a failure, maybe by now I couldn’t even had finished school, because trust me this diva right here was spoilt brat to begin with (before the death of my parents). I did what I wanted and was the boss of my father before he passed on. He was my toy, everything I asked for he gave it to me probably because he was just acting out of pure love and protection, for me not to think of my late mother, whatever his logic was, it was from a place of love, but I am convinced that could have ruined me, made me into an entitled brat who thought that the world revolved around her. Never had I ever thought of another way things could have turned out, because this is all I know and my mother gave me everything and created this beautiful for me.

She taught me to be a warrior, to be strong, to stand up for myself, to be fearless, and to roar out loud like the king lion I am. I say these things because I know what I have been through in life but remained sane because of the love I have received all my life. Did I tell you that not long before I finished High School I lost the only thing I had in my name, my baby sister, which shattered my world, but if not for the covering I had and the mercies of life, and the God who knows best to give battles to his strongest soldiers, I could have killed myself so I could join the rest of the family. But not one thought like that crept through my mind.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

·         Do not, I repeat do not skip through your loses, they make you who you are in the end.

·         Just because you’ve lost in life, do not think that you are the only one, and that your loss is bigger than the next person’s. This is because pain is pain, whether it is pain from a paper cut, or pain from a broken leg, just because you think yours is bigger, you deserve to drown in self-pity and sorrow? No, someone has lost but they beat it and emerged stronger than before .

·         Don’t label yourself because of the circumstances you’ve gone through in life, had I labelled myself “poor orphan”, imagine where I would be right now, “orphan” is just a word that describes loss of parents, definitely not who you are.

·         Everything happens for a reason. And you might go on and say “only I wish I knew what reason it was”, I have an answer for you: the reason is because you can take it, beat it and conquer it. Because if not you then who else deserves it, because your character is being built, because…well if you don’t know me, I can produce a whole book giving you answers to the question “what is the reason?”

·         Out of all our loses, we come out victors…

Look at me now mom and dad, look at how your girl turned out, look at the greatest gift you left her, her second mother, a gift of life, she is flourishing. Look at me now, I have grown and I can speak and write English properly (smiles, you could have been so proud of me, don’t worry my mama got you all). Look at this gorgeous, beautiful woman that is called Christine, she can write too #smiles. Dear mom and dad I know it has been almost 20 years now, but may your souls continue to rest in eternal peace!!! And these have been the most teaching years of my life and I am grateful you planned to plant a seed called ME in this world.

P.S: Dear Lovely person reading this, I hope this inspired you in one way or the other, I don’t mind the capacity of the inspiration, as long as it is there, and as long as you just realized that after all, all the trials and tribulations we go through in life, don’t last forever, we all have our happy endings. I love you all… !!