Sorry to judge, I can only imagine what you have gone through...

                To you whose life I broke through my words...
      
                                         💔💔💔

I am sitting here thinking of all the evil I have done, judge you, laugh at your mistakes, pulling you down with the drags, and lagging it all out of your stakes, I am in shock with my stance, because after all I am not God, I mean I am not even a mere dust of gold, who am I to take this fill and drag you down with the projections of my imperfections, after all you should't even take me seriously I am way less than perfect and I will not blame this to my humanness. It is not even cute It's simply me being brute...

 I understand all I have said cannot be taken back and  I am rather taken aback by the person I am, Seriously I will take back all the backlash and the pain I have caused you. I am only a mere figure of my ego which shadows my premature mind which only came into existence by grace of the universe, the universe shouldn't even have given me the chance to see light of the day even, for being this person, I never knew this was who I was, simply a bully, when I thought I was actually "the bull"...

So this is me looking at the ultrasound of my mind, deformed, missing limbs and having extra ears and lips of anger and a crude character, a lot is going on and here I am zoning in, in my shock, I should take my flock and move in a zone of discovery, I can't imagine what I have made you go through, My heart is in the mode of an airlock, I mean this bubble of regret and remorse is here just stopping the flow of my gutted self-absorption and the idea that I am bigger and better than you my goodness, well I should applaud you, you are grander than I am for lasting this long...  

💔💔💔

I know I broke you, but I should have paid attention to my brokeass being that only stood for nothing whilst losing everything in the midst of crashing your world down breaking the heart that did not even deserve my attention, I deserve a life detention, but if you let me I ask for a second chance, I ask for that special reevaluation because all I am is regrettably my actual self that has come to terms with my shortcomings, my flaws and premature character. I seek for a second chance, if I had to fall in a trance asking, asking for forgiveness I would, I am prepared, to my old ways I will not revert.

I want you to understand, please understand that all I said to you and put you through does not reflect the shortcomings in you, rather its a projection of my very own shortcomings, I am broken, I am inadequate , I am flawed and for that I do not take pride. Whilst I am this , you are bigger, you are better, you are still whole and for all the confidence I have ripped off you, I seek and will pay with my life for your healing, this is not a promise because I tend to break a lot of those, because like I said I come with too many shortcomings, a promise would simply be one of my lies, but what I will give you is my word and if i fail again, the bed I would have made is the one in which I will lie.

All I am saying is I am sorry, I honestly acknowledge your strength and the beauty of your heart. Read this letter that I have typed sitting in my silence on my phone,  with reservations because I simply deserve it, in fact scratch this one of a second chance,  am not asking for a second chance, rather I ask for you to forgive yourself for ever doubting yourself based on my disrespectful and unkind words and actions towards you, you did not ask for it and certainly did not deserve it, I simply shouldn't have done it. Now I can only imagine how you felt when I put you through all the hurt and broke your trust for ever being around me, your strength inspires me, if it was me I would have simply chosen the easy way out, because after all, I am a coward. Above all I ask for your healing to come as soon as you find it in your heart to forgive me, I TOO AM SEEKING FOR HEALING, and most of all forgive yourself for ever believing me. 

💔💔💔

#christinematengaspokenword #movingon #reflections

This is one spoken word poetry I thought I should dedicate to everyone that has been bullied in one way or the other, betrayed and taken down through harsh words, to be enlightened that whatever they have put you through is simply a reflection of their shortcomings and not yours. You are not the smaller person , they are and for that forgive yourself for ever giving them room to drag you down with them. The power of words is strong, but simply hold your power throw deaf ears and move, they are simply words out of crooked mind.

As we are starting a new month and almost three quarter way into finishing the first quarter of the year, be reminded you are not what they see you as, the lens in which they view you is one that is dirty and therefore they do not see clearly, they think you are dirty and not worthy enough simply because their view lens is the one that is actually dirty, be reminded you sparkle of potential, of greatness and a future and now that you rightfully wish for because you are who you say you are, you are power, you are strength and you are more. Do not seek  for external validation because the world is simply not positive and perfect, perfection like I always say is a myth and constantly seeking positivity especially from people limits you. 

What you intake is what you sow in your mind, and what you sow in your mind, is what is most likely to fill your garden of thoughts, and therefore be careful of what you tolerate from your people, and those around you!

Lets all keep growing together and always remember it is not you, it is them, that is why I have apologized on their behalf already. Talk soon , XOXO!!!

They will tell you "Money is not everything in life", but is poverty something?

Oh Hello there, yes you, it has been a minute and I have missed sitting here looking pretty minding my own business of being in your business. Yes you heard right, your business of forgetting your worth, of comparing yourself with others, of failing to remember that before anything else your opinions about yourself matter more than anyone else’, need I say more. Well maybe, or maybe not in my own voice, because I have something even better today…

So I have a lot of journals, diaries, notebooks, you name it and I always get to read the most meaningful and uplifting bits when I least expect it. I recently came across a literal gem of a wake-up call through one of these notebooks. I would be lying if I say I remember what inspired me to write the message but I would like to believe that I wrote it after or in the midst of listening to a podcast or something like that (all I know is I will not take full credit of this particular message, it is not originally in my words and thank you to whoever gave this message to me) cause the message gave me a piece of its mind, I mean it did. I thought what better way to start a new month than to bless you all with this gem of a reminder.

Give them a blind eye and do not give them the weaponry to your downfall as much as you should stop being your own worst enemy, cause no matter what, people talk and always will, the mouths on their faces are definitely not there for display…

“Make it your ambition to ignore and overlook many things if you truly want to escape misery in your life, because the easiest way to a miserable life is to think that everybody is talking about you. Never allow any person to steal your joy from you in whatever shape or form. What people say behind your back is none of your business as long as you are true to yourself. Never worry about gossip.

Sometimes minding your own business does not keep people out of yours and no matter your situation in life people will always talk. You can never stop people from talking about you, what you can do is to stop giving them what to talk about.

There is a time limit for every rumor in life. Never allow freelance broadcasters put your life on a hold. Do what makes you happy because when you are sad it’s you who get to feel it, so anyone who cannot feel your pain has no right to judge you. Seventy per cent of those who talk bad about you behind your back, somehow wish for something you have in your life.

When people cannot be like you they try to bring you down and condemn what you have. Those without money will sarcastically say, “Money is not everything in life”, but is poverty everything?

Never allow anyone to put you in a position of depression and self-doubt, understand this one thing, because those whose life has no joy will always find every reason to remove happiness from other people’s lives. They project their fears and limitations on other people.

If you are a believer and you believe that there is a certain kind of Grace in your life, then enemies are inevitable and if no one has ever gossiped or talked about you behind your back, it means nothing relevant has ever happened to you. Beautiful flowers attract the sting of a bee.

Never feel bad when old friends become new enemies. They are just tired of pretending to be friends. Be grateful. If you get hurt, left, betrayed by the one person you believed was your one true love or one true friend, be grateful they did now before you got even deeper and waste the most precious time of your life.

Never allow the opinions of people who did not see your tears to stop your laughter, you do not owe anybody an explanation to your happiness.

Never limit yourself by seeing yourself through the eyes of those who do not value you. To be beautiful is to be yourself. To stand out is to be outstanding. To be fully accepted is to be loved by you, and to fully belong is to have residence and comfort in yourself. You do not need permission from others to belong; you do not need to be who you are not to be accepted. Accept yourself.

Always remember to never beg to be accepted, because anything you acquire through begging will require begging to be maintained or retained.

Be humble but selective, and being selective does not equal arrogance or pride, it simply means knowing your worth. If you are conscious of your personality avoid too much familiarity.

Sometimes when you treat people too much like celebrities they end up treating you like just an ordinary fan, you are equally important.

It is detrimental to your growth, to downgrade yourself while trying to upgrade somebody in life. Anyone who sees you like an option doesn’t deserve to be a priority in your life.

The dream of a fool is for everybody to become a fool like himself, so avoid negative people if you have a path you want to follow, because those without mission will say your vision is just an illusion. (This spoke to me deeply, and all the other parts in bold.)

Negative minds barely give you a positive outcome, so anyone who is always reminding you about what is wrong with you has a personal problem which they might be taking out on you and trying to make themselves feel better.

Most people spend half of their entire lives analyzing the faults in other people’s lives, when their own lives need urgent repairs, so do not be taken down by those kinds of people, as much as you do not want to be that person, DO NOT BE THAT PERSON!!!

Final note: Some will hate you, others will love you, but loving you or hating you is both in your favor. When people love you, you live peacefully and happily in their hearts, and when people hate you, you become the landlord in their heads living painfully in their brain and every day, giving them sleepless nights. So how about that? ( And let me note  this right away here and now : also applies to you if you hate someone you are going to have sleepless nights for someone who doesn’t even care or better yet know you are hating on them, make wise decisions on this love/hate thing and preserve your happiness, you owe yourself that much.)

I hope you picked a thing or two and if you didn’t (giving you side eye and judging you vehemently so, lol) I hope you do next time. It is always a pleasure to have a few minutes of your time, and I’m thankful for those minutes. Let’s keep growing together, and always remember, before you are anyone’s you are YOURS!!!

#growth #selflove #reflections #reminders

The Dark is not a place to stay, Move Away (It's a matter of Life and Death)

Mental Health Problem in Africa (#repost from Style Sessions Blog)

Lest we forget what this platform is about, I thought of reminding you lot of what it is about and you are welcome to settle here for as long as we can and let us be a family that seeks healing and understanding of our mental health and personal growth. Like I always say, let us grow together and learn more about our mental health. It being the new year, I thought it was perfect timing, I mean why not...

“It will never happen to me”             “Oh please just get over it”

                                    “Mental problems are for the weak” 

“She is just seeking attention”            “She needs to be prayed for it’s just a demon”

Mental Health as a whole concept in Africa has been misconceptualized in many ways than one, relating it back to our lack of understanding on what it really is. We have been under the impression that it is a disease for the Westerners and never for the Africans, which is a deadly ignorance that needs more attention that it already is getting.

What is Mental Health?

World Health Organization, (WHO 2004), defines mental  health as, “ a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his/her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.” Mental health problems include the following, depression, anxiety, severe low self-esteem, schizophrenia, eating disorders, addictive behaviors, self-harming tendencies and more. In regard to this, Mental Wellness is a significant part of our lives leading to us reaching tour full capacities. According to WHO (2004), women are mostly likely to fall into depression , whilst men are prone to fall into substance abuse, thus it is important that this is a crucial issue that has to be desensitised to the women equally as men if reaching to full our full potentials is the aimed guarantee.

Deriving from the above definition can you safely say you are mentally healthy? And if not, are you a mad person because of that? Do you deserve stigma from that? Does anybody really deserve to be ignored and treated any differently because they suffer from mental disorder? Is it fair to simply tell someone to get over it when they seem to be struggling and are calling for help? These are the questions that we should be asking ourselves, every day. Where are we going with our communities as far as development is concerned when we keep ignoring these very important concerns?

Mental Health Disorders are not diseases of the elite, of the white people only, of the attention seekers, it can happen to anyone, it can happen to you! Just because a person looks physically fit, well put together and looks like they are in control, does not necessarily mean they are. Mental Wellness goes beyond the physical, just like it is named after it is “mental” ; it is psychological meaning that it has more to do with the mind rather than it does the physical.

Why is Mental Wellness important, so much so that it is the Big Elephant in the room today? This is because it takes a mentally healthy person to be productive, to function to their full potential complementing the physical body. It takes a healthy mind to build a healthy body. The mind is the most powerful part of the human body, because that is the epitome of a human’s existence, your mind has the power to build or to destroy, it has the power to tell you, you can and you will, unfortunately it can tell you the opposite and results to a deterioration of your capabilities. You ever came across the saying that says, “she believed she can and she did”, that is exactly the concept.

Mental Well-being dives deeper than the mere absence of a mental disorder, and goes further to having the ability to cope with life’s pressures and day to day stresses, and function to your full potential resulting in productivity and progress. So do not be fooled, just because you do not have a diagnosed significant Mental Disorder, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are Mentally Healthy. It takes more than just an absence of a visible disorder, and anyone is at risk of falling into a mental breakdown.

In a world that has technologically advanced very well to our advantage, it has resulted to many of us, especially women falling into depression because of constant exposure to situations that make us compare ourselves to the next person through Social Media. It is important to have knowledge on the importance of this concept so that we will live happily and be our most productive selves (bearing in mind that of course pain and hurt is inevitable, but their better ways of dealing with them). The journey of growth and mental wellness takes more than just one person, it takes all of us joined, so that we grow together. Let’s grow together!!

Always Remember :  Not to die in silence and never be ashamed to share your story (only with a trusted person) and seek help before you entirely lose yourself.

#mentalhealth #selfawareness #growth

Ref: World Health Organization. Promoting Mental Health: concepts, emerging evidence, practice (Summary Report) Geneva: WHO ; 2004

Shut the Hell Up !!!

Start the Decade Right 

I think it’s only fair to get back here and do the exact thing that is expected of me: to say, “ HAPPY NEW YEAR, HAPPY NEW DECADE !!!”. I say so because I honestly do not want to say it ,because to me it definitely has lost its meaning, or rather let me say  it’s just like saying good morning, goodnight whatever we just say randomly out of the whim, like its routine now, but do you really put thought into it? I am a deep thinker and sometimes unnecessarily so for my own good, and everything I say is not really what you think first hand, it is usually deeper than what you hear but anyway, I rumble a lot ( so like me).

Well hello there, welcome back to “the space”, place of peace, place of positivity, I hope you are doing great and ready for one of those new year’s where we are pumped up for the first few months ( resolutions, goal setting and all, you know the drill…) and theeen, everything goes downhill, I understand, I do it too and in that regard let me say, Let’s hit all that needs to be hit when we still have the drive, since we have always  started on highs and then dropped the acceleration overtime, START THE DECADE RIGHT!!!

Shut Up !!!

Shhhhh ...

There are a number of lessons I learnt from last year and I thought ah what better way to start the year, the decade, than share from these lessons so that we all watch out for these tendencies and not make these mistakes again. I learnt a lot of things last year, the biggest lesson being “SHUT THE FIG UP!!!”. I also learnt that for me to be exactly where I want to be, I should take one step at a time and not overload myself with so many commitments that I lose myself whilst at it. I learnt that it is important to do things in small chunks and not overwhelm myself with so many goals, expectations, tasks and a whole lot of loads upon myself. We will talk more about the second lesson, but for today we are hitting hard on the first one , I shall repeat and shout even harder and louder for my brothers and especially sisters at the back ( we are mostly guilty of too much yep yep ) , ”SHUT THE HELL UP !!!”

As much as it is important to share good news and share goals and plans for whatever reason ( might it be for accountability, or push and drive , or motivation to finish it or see it come to pass, or for manifestation reasons, or whatever it is), please learn to shut up and move in silence, especially before the thing is done. I learnt the hard way. Let’s just say my big mouth worked against my favor last year.

 Well I don’t want to lie and say it mostly worked against me, because it mostly did me some good and made me see places I have never seen before in my life, it made me fly internationally for the first time, made me start a blog and maintain it, made me meet many new interesting people, made me have life changing positive encounters. But then, here comes the bomb, it made me make the one mistake of sharing something really big, a big part of my life that I wasn’t supposed to lose, a big opportunity that could have changed my life ( story for another day, which I probably will share maybe in ten years to come).The long and short of it, I learnt that not everybody that smiles at you has your best interest at heart, not everybody wishes you well, and definitely not everybody around you has the positive energy you have enough to draw good into your life.

A successful woman/man knows when to open their mouth, what to share, what to keep, how much information to dish out. Apparently you are allowed a little if not more practice of keeping your life private and just when you hit that milestone then if you wish share the success story so that you appreciate your work and celebrate your wins. It is important to keep people in the dark and just let them be curious about what is happening in your life and give them less power to jinx your world. A big lesson out of it all was: if I want to make it in life, I should speak mostly when asked, when I have to give positive encouragement, Listen more and talk less, give more ears than I dish out my words.

It is important for you to consider using other methods of kicking your goals, I mean don’t you think it’s high time you ,well we did things differently considering we have tried this other method and it has not worked in our favors. Instead of writing down these resolutions on our statuses and even our journals without really walking in silence (this has since expired) let’s try a different method. Walk in silence and let the results talk for themselves. Keep that big mouth of yours shut, and let the work of your hands flourish without jinxing things for yourself.

I will end this by quoting one of my favorite verses from the Bible (Please don’t be shocked, I am Christian, although I do not post any of that side of mine here to sound all preachy all the time, Its important I acknowledge this part of me here too as  I am seeking to be in touch with my faith in my private life) :  1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 “ that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing” NKJV. Do not forget that you might make all of these plans, and forget the author of it all, who has power over your life, put all of it in his hands, he who started it will finish it for you , and remember to keep quiet and work in silence. Have a fruitful year, through and through.

Let’s all start this decade the right way and stop contributing to the noise that is significantly confusing us and the rest of the world. It is important to lead our lives quietly, keep crashing goals, doing more than saying, and most of all being who we should be rather than just saying, because after all we are called human-beings !!!

#vision2020 #change #doitdifferently

Letter Series : To the Beautiful Flower that provokes no Allergy

Just because we are reaching to the end of the year, I thought what better way to remind you of just how an amazing person you are. Just like the last post, this is to Self-Love in its deepest sense. Before you get into the New Year cultivate a culture of loving yourself before anyone else, you deserve the love you give out. Take note I have started "The Letter Series" , just in the appreciation of everything we are, want to be and we will be, so stay looking out for these, Im'a throw it your way time and again, because why not?.

                    

Self-Love helps you understand yourself better and how you deal with different situations in your life. In this regard this letter is a cue to how you are the boss of your life and how you can deal with life’s predicaments knowing that you can do anything because you are a powerful being, how about appreciating yourself from right where you are, you might not be nearly as half as you want to be, that is the point, TRUST THE PROCESS.  Let us grow together and push forward the agenda of Good Mental Health starting within ourselves…

pic credit: Christine Matenga

Dear Beautiful Flower …

I do not know where to start really, because before anything else your vibrant beauty blinds my eyes, pierces through my mind and melts my heart. I cannot imagine the artistry your Creator had in mind when He made all these shades of beauty that are so diverse and colorful in an unimaginable way. Let me start by reminding you of how much of a gold beacon of hope you are, because if I dwell too much on your beauty, you will lose plot and think that’s all there is of you, which definitely is a lie.

When I look at you I feel a hope undefined, a hope so profound it dives deep into my soul, and jumpstarts my mind. I see you going through pain and loss, heart break and tears but you drive through this life in a way that pain is familiar with you, regardless you still meet it head on. You pull through nonetheless looking forward to a new day because, there is always tomorrow and you never give up, you should never give up because you were gifted with a heart of gold, and you are the glue that holds everything together. You are a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother and most of all a well-crafted rare species, there is only one kind of you.

I am writing this letter especially to remind you of how worthy you are, how beautiful you are, and how deserving you are. This is directed to you, to remind you of how much your mind has a powerful force towards building the ultimate woman you want to be. Your looks do not matter, because already you were wonderfully crafted as you are standing right there you are a perfect result of a well thought and well-crafted artistry, Woman, you are a MASTERPIECE!

Let me dive deep into your diversified beauty. You come in all shades, all shades of black, all shades of white, all shapes, all heights and everything else beautiful. You don’t need to be perfect to be called beautiful, because perfection is a myth, it doesn’t exist. The next person is not more beautiful than you are because already you are uniquely you and there is only one you. Variety is a necessity and your existence brings this to light.

Dear African woman, the broad nose, the thick lips, the curly hair carries a beauty of its own kind that tells a story untold from the gifts we inherited. Embracing yourself is the gift you will leave your heirs who will tell the story of a strong beautiful beacon of hope called a woman, and it starts with you right now. You are the rare flower that flourished even when the ground drained out its potential. You are the beautiful flower that colors the garden so bright, and paints the world beautiful, and you need not forget it.

Your existence carries a significant part of human existence and your touch soothes the pain of the heart. Be reminded that the world is a better place when you understand how much goodness you were made to bring into the world. Be reminded how so much the next person needs you. Be reminded queens fix each other’s crown quietly. Be reminded you are no better than the next. Be reminded the next generation of powerful women is born by you. Be reminded no woman is an island unto self and to reach to the next level you can do it alone, but can do it better with another woman.

I stand to tell you that asking for help doesn’t portray you as weak; rather it portrays your smartness, that for something solid to be built, there is need for different hands from different angles for a daunting architecture. When you are slowly drowning in your worries and submerging in your sorrows never hesitate to call out so someone can rescue you, you are not alone. Let’s hold hands together in our diversified nature and color the world beautiful.

Love

Fellow Beautiful Flower

#queens #selflove#growthmindset

Lets get social 👇

 Christine Matenga:        Instagram : @chriss_in_it_19

                                        Facebook : @ Matenga D Christine

                                         Blog :  http://chrissinit.blogspot.com

Body Odor please not today, not now not ever !!! : October Self-Care Favorites

Happy New month family, I hope October has been good to you and your mental health as much as it was dramatic and chaotic my side (story for another day), not forgetting way too hot for my liking. Well I am fully African and my melanin shows with its beautiful forever glow, no doubt about that, and its no secret I live in the Southern Hemisphere that is generally warm most of the time if not all the time, but this October was brutal people. I at one point thought my village people were about to send their goblins my way ( not to be superstitious but I mean any Zimbabwean person can confirm this, it was way too hot for my liking).  Now imagine how one's body will hate its owner in such a predicament, obviously and most probably, and this manifests through unpleasant body odors, unfortunately for everybody else's noses except for yours.

Hold that thought, I didn't say I smell or stink or such, before you even start imagining me having these unpleasant smells.Everybody has a natural human scent, but some get to be stronger than others due to many reasons including neglect, which is my point of entrance here. I got myself some favorites that made sure my confidence stayed A1, all well ,all the time. Self-confidence is a major thing, especially when you are a young woman still in the dating game you know, you don't want to smell otherwise lest you attract the things that are associated with bad smells, need I name them one by one? I guess we don't want to go down that lane do we? I digress, let me talk about this once and for all, " Please take care of yourself especially be conscious about how you smell around other people or else, you will make other people extremely uncomfortable. There is no difficult thing as telling the person next to you that they smell like a rotten egg, a dead cat or rotten fish, it is hard guys, it is really hard.

Also there is no uncomfortable feelings such as being around people that are constantly talking about showering better, bad odors and stuff, if you are not complaining about these smells or such, it is probably you who is the source of these bad odors, be warned, don't say I didn't tell you. So please pay attention to your body, because there is no thing that is crippling as not being able to move around or talk around other people simply because you are not confident if you are smelling good or otherwise. This breaks down your confidence, this diminishes your value around other people and is deadly to your mental health. So take care of yourself in that regard hey. You should, You MUST !!!

I am a very conscious being, sensitive and very emotional, I feed off other people's energies and I am a social being, in simple words I am somewhat a social vampire, so I love being around people, talking to them, listening to them as they share their views, share my own, shout and be loud and all that, so I know I in order for me to thrive I should always look and feel and smell my best. I also thrive within my own solitude and to be happy personally I always have to look and smell good a hundred. And by smelling good I don't mean smelling like Gucci or Jadore all the time cause obviously I can't afford, well just not yet. By smelling good I mean Lemon fresh Scent, Pink Diamond Avon Roll on fresh, Nivea deodorant fresh and the likes and definitely no fishy odor allowed.

So to make sure of this, I have myself a stash of self care products that I always gravitate towards so that I am always smelling and looking fresh and keep my confidence at 100% and I would like to share with you. They say if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you relate better with the rest of the world, and I want to also add that this looking good should start inside of you, in your mind, reflecting through your body scent and then going outward to your garments, and then you sorted for the day.

This piece like most of them is dedicated to my fellow young women and also a reminder to the older women as well. If you a man reading this, it is equally important because I am confident you have sisters, girlfriends, wives and the likes and you also want to be a clean woman, you can always play a part in this whole cycle. So thank you, for also playing a part in gifting women in your lives with the items mentioned in this kit, Christmas is coming in a month and for some of us December babies our birthdays, 😜😉😜.

The most important thing most life changing item for me is the menstrual cup that I started using last year (2018),  after working for an organization that championed Sexual Reproductive Health for women, my period experience has never been the same again. The menstrual cup I use is from the Butterfly Cup Company and is a device made up of Silicone Grade Material that has no side effects to your precious vaginal area plus can be used for years before purchasing another. It collects blood instead of the regular absorbing that most other sanitary-ware does, helps with no odor whatsoever becomes it is inserted inside of you and keeps your blood away from oxygen, because its the oxygen that reacts with your blood that causes bad fishy odor, and this is my favorite part, since it collects blood, it reduces the number of days of your flow. 

I mean how amazing is that. No odor, less days, reusable, economic and the most comfortable device ever, you will forget you are on your menses (if you use it well). I was just as skeptic and reserved as you are with so many questions before I tried it, but trust me I am not paid to advertise it, it is life changing to your hygiene as well as mental welfare, not forgetting very friendly to your pocket dollar wise. ( Don't hesitate to hit my DM if you want to know more about this, or rather request for a full post on its own, you are welcome).

Next is my antiperspirant deodorant spray and roll on. I never go a day without this, even the night too which is when it is most useful. If you didn't know,  your antiperspirant spray or roll on, is most effective when applied after the night shower before bed, so that it prevents sweat to come attacking you in full force the next day, plus it helps with one sleeping smelling nice you know. You should not go a day without your roll on, and make sure it is an antiperspirant type, these are easily accessible in most if not all shops nearest to you. If you can't afford one, no problem you can apply bicarbonate of soda or just a regular lemon, on shaved armpits of course. Please get rid of the disgusting yellow bush under there, it is disgusting and smells bad. My favorite go to roll on is Nivea Black and White, and i recently got a brand new favorite" Pink Diamond Roll On" from Avroy Shlain South Africa. It doesn't only regulates the sweat production but also smells nice whilst at it.

The following other three have nothing to do with odor but are my self care favorites ( skin care products) currently that make me stay confident and just generally happy which is key to maintaining and keeping in check my mental health. Firstly my Safeway Body Exfoliating Brush cannot go without being mentioned. This electric Brush has really helped me with my facial skin exfoliating more than anything else and has helped with my skin care routine tremendously. I generally have very sensitive skin and I thought maybe it was going to be harsh but me just being me tried it anyway, and boy was it worth it. I don't have the fairest smoothest skin in the room but my flacky skin has improved noticeably because I use it just once in a week to get rid of the dead skin before applying my Neutrogena Oil Free Gentle Scrub, to gently further do away with the dead disgusting skin. I don't wear make up specifically foundation so I mean the skin has to glow in all its glory and these help me achieve it easily. 

And lastly to moisturize my skin I am currently using my Inuka Tissue Oil which is slightly fragranced and then my regular Aqueous Cream . I don't exactly like the fact that this Tissue Oil has a fragrance because like I mentioned I have very sensitive skin so I barely use it on my face unless if I am removing lipstick from my lips. I mostly use this for my feet, that are generally not so smooth from all the roadside ball-playing (called Raka-Raka and Hwishu for those that know these testify to all the evil we used to do to our poor feet) when I was young. My heels have not loved me at all for doing this to them, but the tissue oil has really helped with softening the skin there.

After all being said, these are just my October favorites and a few I had to mention and you can try them sometime. It is important to note that when you are taking care of your body, you are having a me-time that is well deserved and also getting to know more of what works and what doesn't for you , what more would you want? Take care of yourself, get to know what works for you and do lots of it (also keeping in mind that too much of anything is not good). Self Love is more than just telling yourself that you are beautiful and all that stuff without actually investing in and spoiling yourself. Self-Love is a whole lifestyle, a whole mood that you shouldn't take lightly, a whole mood I live for. 

N.B I didn't mention mouthwashes, toothpaste, body washes and all the little bits because I feel these are obvious, I will end up writing a book. 

Keep loving and once in a while spoiling yourself, you deserve it. Gather the things you love slowly but surely and treat yourself like a queen that you are. Before anyone else comes to treat you like one, own the title and guard your heart and life jealously.  And please, stay fresh and chase away the bad odors, Its hot we want to live in peace and freshness.

Feel free to share what works better for you and we all can learn a thing or two. Let's keep growing together!!!

#selfcare #selflove #growth

Social Media: The Toilet of the internet

A whole lot of a month away

Oh my people, it feels strange to resume posting here after a whole lot of a month away, when I left you starving of the regular posts but i might need to stress out that this was a worthy break off Social Media for a sister's breather , mental health, growth and a whole lot of other good stuff. I didn't necessarily miss writing cause that never has to stop even when I am away from here or any other place it keeps me going, though  I must mention I missed being here, and I finally am back. I hope you missed me too, ya'll know we need to be needed 😉.

I learnt a thing or two whilst I was away from Social Media, first and for most the shocking and rather thought provoking statement that I read somewhere " Social Media has over the years grown to be the Toilet of the Internet,  in essence it is the actual toilet of the Internet" , I found this interesting. We all know what goes down in the toilet  don't we? Do I need to talk about it as is, cause if you dare me, it's my pleasure to remind you, cause that's exactly what I'm excellent at " reminding y'all about everything, lol. I could do that but anyway, I choose to do that another day when I really am in the mood. The first lesson is, Social Media is not at all bad, just like the toilet , it keeps us going, but in that goodness now there is a whole lot of stinky bad that we always remember it for. This is the part I want to talk about today, considering I was away from it, and inevitably like other people I have fallen victim in the addiction it brings with it, and the loud voices it has which led me to the decision of taking a break from it. 

Since January, when I opened this blog,I was focused on promoting this my new baby so that it reaches the targeted audience and whilst at it, I began to use Instagram and Facebook more than I ever did before. Of course I loved it because it connected me to the rest of the world and people that are like minded, with a love for self- development, a drive for growth and positive development and that made me so happy. Slowly but surely I began to spend more time on Instagram and Facebook and before I knew it I was killing time on social media more than I had to.  The notifications, the likes , the conversations and everything surrounding Instagram began to swallow me slowly and as much as I preach about fighting comparison, that's exactly where I ended up going.

I started feeling like a fraud, who talks about fighting something coming out alive whilst doing the exact opposite, I started doubting myself and all the values I had always kept for myself. For sure, it is difficult to be yourself in a world that is constantly clouding you with ideas of who you should be, what life should be, how you should dress, eat , walk and live your life. This ish is real y'all and I can fully relate every now and then, ( well I wasn't expecting this to go this way, but well why not, we will take it where my heart really tells it to, I feel vulnerable but what are we doing when we are talking about life as is , and filter some parts, let's do this).

As the months went by I started feeling like I was doing a whole lot of things so that I could just post, the reading challenge, the water therapy, the exploring, part of the travels and visits to new places , you name it. I started hating all these because they started feeling like a job, like something I was just doing for Instagram, well precisely so because I stopped living for the moment and drifted towards doing it for the likes and always looking for a picture perfect pose, or taking pictures or notes when i should be enjoying the moment, and before I knew it, it started getting out of control. I reached to a point where I told myself this right here has to stop right away, let's nip it in the bud, and I just did it abruptly like that, stopped everything. ( Which I later on learnt I didn't necessarily had to shock myself like that, but at that moment i felt the need, i panicked and felt that it was a necessary evil).

Living like the rest of the world is exhausting,keeping up appearances is exhausting, perfection is exhausting, keeping up as it is is exhausting, routine is, comparison is, all of it is. I was reminded of this saying t:

        " To live in the moment is the only way we can appreciate life to the fullest and be touched by the wonder of each moment" UNKNOWN

I needed this awakening because it is easy to get swallowed especially when you work in the streets of the internet, where you are competing with the rest of the world for attention, to be heard, to be read and to be seen. It is a hustle, but a hustle not worth losing yourself for if your mental health is gold to you. Take it easy, take slower steps, you will do just fine. Biggest Lesson this year. So instead of using the toilet to drop doodles only and use it only for that, let's all make it a pleasant room for everybody else but first for ourselves, let's all use social media with reservations, and don't lose ourselves whilst at it.


It is always to our advantages to regulate our screen time especially for Instagram which has these appealing features, re-directions, one sided-stories and the perfect angles, be aware, stay woke and breathe, take a break, don't lose yourself and thrive through, you always have the control, stay with it. You ever felt some type of way that is just not so good after scrolling down all those appealing pages, a feeling of guilt, comparison, a bit of anger , envy, a bit of sadness, its just some type of a not so good feeling, yeah that feeling,  I felt it at some point and that scared the heck out of my space, it's not a good feeling, a feeling I do not want to feel ever again, please let me know if you've felt like this before. 

I took this with me, we are all humans, and no one is immune to the disadvantages of social media because we thrive on other people's energies because we are made to live as communities and we all need to belong and shine through, whilst at it show off our best sides. It's key to remember that it is almost impossible to be a master of your own thoughts, beliefs and values when we are constantly hit by information that regulates our minds. Everywhere and every time we see, watch, read about routines that are meant to make our lives better, make us more successful, progressive, beautiful, consistent , e.t.c but we are all different, and are made in different ways, do not forget yourself or leave yourself behind, maintain your truth. It is very hard, I know, but just like I did take breaks, reboot, get back into your world and press reset, it is well needed.

One last thing , when you take time to detoxify all the learned behaviors, the information, the displayed best versions of other people's lives and the likes, and stop filming and taking pictures of everything, and just start being in the moment for once, it will equally become addictive to you, you will not feel guilty for not sharing anything and everything because at the end of the day, it is all about you. It is fulfilling to live in the moment knowing fully well that the experience will never be forgotten and forever be part of your life. Live for now, it is your life to live. It is awesome to share, but don't do it at the expense of your sanity. Your Mental Health comes first. 

 #growthmindset #socialmediadetox #yourmentalhealthfirst